RomanOff and On
by iCant1DoThis
Summary: In a world where Bigs and Littles are known and accepted, Natasha Romanoff is just trying to find her place. After years of shutting her little side off, is it time to switch it on?
1. Premise

This story exists in a world where everyone is classified either as a little or a big. Upon birth, doctors do quick exams on infants to determine the baby's classification and from then on, it's tied to their identities. It was nearly impossible for anyone to hide their status because for one, they're registered at birth. Second, as people grow up it becomes even easier to spot who's a little, and who's a big.

On a physical level, it was quite easy to tell bigs and littles apart:

Bigs develop and grow up like how people were expected to before the outbreak of bigs and littles. Littles, on the other hand are a different story: They don't develop normally in a physical sense. Girls for instance, never have their cycle and don't really develop more than little breast buds. Naturally, littles also lean towards the smaller side of the spectrum and have younger-looking features: Some would even be described as baby-faced. They weren't necessarily child-sized (though, quite a few were), but it was rare to see a little be taller than a big of the same age group.

Psychologically, there isn't much of a difference between the two groups:

When not dropped to their little age, littles typically exhibit the same emotional threshold as their peers do. There are some special cases, for instance toddler and baby littles, who may be on the more emotional side even when aged; but other than that there's not much of a significant difference. Generally everyone reaches cognitive developmental milestones at the same age regardless of their classification.

We'll learn even more about bigs and littles as the story progresses. For now, let's meet our (main and eventually recurring) characters:

**Bigs**:Steve Rogers  
Tony Stark  
Pepper Potts  
Sam Wilson  
Bucky Barnes  
Bruce Banner  
Phil Coulson  
Melinda May  
Leopold Fitz  
Jemma Simmons  
Maria Hill  
Nick Fury

**Littles:  
**Natasha Romanoff - to be determined  
Clint Barton - 12  
Wanda Maximoff - 7  
Daisy Johnson - 6  
Lincoln Campbell - 11  
Bobbi Morse - 10


	2. What a Pain

Even before their mission started, Natasha knew it was going to be a bad day. It wasn't a particularly difficult mission, no. It wasn't even an Avengers-level threat so really, it should be a walk in the park for the spy, but Nat knew better. When Natasha woke up that morning she was greeted by a piercing headache. She wasn't new to this feeling, the sensation alone wasn't what alarmed her: It was the fact that it had finally come and she wasn't prepared.

The headache was caused by her drops, or lack thereof, and she knew that. Natasha Romanoff, like many other agents of SHIELD, was a classified little. The one thing that sets her apart? No one knew her little age because no one has ever seen her drop, not even Nat herself. Typically, a little would experience their first drop around one year after they physiologically reach their little age, or in other words: A person who has the little age of six would experience their first drop when they're seven.

In Natasha's case though, that first drop never came. No, it wasn't a problem biologically, it was a choice, or so they all thought it was. The truth behind first drops is that it's more a matter of safety than the little's choice. Dropping meant exposing their most vulnerable sides and even at young ages, littles have already developed that self-preservation instinct. This was good, because at least it meant no little would experience their first drop in the middle of a life-threatening situation. It assured that the first drop would be a pleasurable experience because you want Littles to want their drops. Because Littles_ need_ to drop: It's hardwired into their systems.

The only reason no one's ever tried to persistently convince Natasha to drop was that she never showed any symptoms of pain, deterioration, or worse. That is, until now.  
Nevertheless, Natasha pushed on with the day as if nothing was out of place. She pushed the pain to the back of her mind and left on her mission with Steve and several other agents.

"Two guards by the entrance, two doing rounds." Natasha said into her comms from where she was perched on top of a ten wheeler truck. The truck was parked several meters away from the entrance of a base hidden in the shadows of the surrounding trees. "A lot fewer than we'd anticipated." Nat mumbled.

"We stick to the plan, agent Romanoff." Steve responded.

"It's an easy opening." Natasha argued. The mission was simple: Get into the base, retrieve the weapon, and release the captured inhumans. Nat usually could have done all this on her own in her sleep, but Fury and Hill insisted on doing this mission with a new team: Something about no better way to get proper training than to baptize them by fire or something. Steve at first thought Fury meant literally baptizing the agents by fire, and Nat honestly thought that Steve's version sounded better right now.

"We stick to the plan as discussed." Steve said sounding a bit more firm this time. Of course Steve would go by the book especially with the other agents around. "Skye, you in position?"

"Ready when you are, cap." said a female voice. It was Skye Johnson, one of the newer agents that were with them on this mission. Steve went on just checking the status of everyone and asking for updates, probably to get a better feel of the situation. But Nat was losing patience, and she was losing patience fast. On a regular day, Nat would be able to sit through all this but currently she was nursing a terrible headache. She just wanted to get this over with already.

Natasha studied the scene before her again and calculated her chances. She was pretty sure she can take on these guards and speed up their mission a little bit. With the sound of Steve still rambling instructions into their comms, Natasha left her spot and slowly crept towards the entrance.

She was 30 feet away... 20... And just when she was close enough to the guards doing rounds, she was met with a sharp pain in the back of her head. It was the worst pain she's felt in her head in a while: So bad that she involuntarily gasped as she clutched her head in her hands, effectively catching the attention of one of the guards. As soon as the guard saw Natasha, evidently everyone else was alerted.

"Natasha? Natasha what's wrong?" Steve spoke into the comms once more, but Natasha had no time to answer.

She was still seeing white from the pain, but her senses were telling her that enemies were approaching her both from behind and in front. "Agent Romanoff your status, _now_." Steve said in a more urgent tone.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Natasha muttered before turning off her earpiece. Yes, she was aware that was going to get her in trouble later but quite frankly she had enough on her plate now even without Steve badgering her. If anything, the constant chattering in her ear was making her headache worse so she believed that turning off the earpiece was the best course of action now.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before focusing all her other senses into the situation. Natasha stepped to the side and narrowly avoided a strike from one of the guards and from there, it was like she was on autopilot. Her instincts kicked in and she kicked her leg out as she bent down, swiping two of them off their feet. She then took the chance to open her eyes and really look at her opponents. Just with a quick glance she knew she had this in the bag. For whatever reason, guarding the entrance didn't seem like a priority for the base because if these were the best they got, then almost anyone could probably just walk in through the other entry points.

One of the guards made the mistake of charging her from the side, and Nat simply extended an arm out, releasing one of her Widow Bites and electrocuting the man. From her peripheral vision, she can see the fourth guard approaching her so she made a turn as if to run away from him. She ran towards the base as if making her way to the entrance, but instead of trying to kick open the door Natasha jumped up and kicked herself from the door. In mid-air she did a backflip and landed on the guard's shoulders from which she easily strangled the man until he passed out.

Before the guard fell down, Natasha jumped from his shoulders and landed crouched down with one hand on the floor. As she stood up, Natasha bent forward just as one of the earlier-fallen guards tried to tackle her, causing him to lose balance near her back. Natasha reached back for him and easily flipped the man over onto his back on the floor. She quickly pointed down to the man and released another round of her Widow Bites. She looked around her and once she deemed everything clear, she sank down on the floor and took a deep breath as she held her head in her hands. Now that the adrenaline was gone, she could feel the intensity of the pain in her head. The pain was so bad, she didn't even notice another guard drop unconscious a few feet away from her.

"Natasha. _Natasha._" It was Steve who'd presumably come to check on Natasha once she'd turned off her comms. When Natasha finally heard Steve, she sucked in a deep breath and tried to get a grip.

"Yeah?" Natasha said casually as she stood up, but as she did she felt her world spinning and her vision getting blurry. She would've fallen if it weren't for Steve reaching out to steady her. "I'm fine." She insisted as she tried to pull away from Steve, but she stumbled yet again.

"What happened?" Steve asked in a firm voice, yet you could hear the concern seeping through. Everyone knew Natasha was a little, and everyone knew she despised it. That's why people tended to try to give her space because they didn't want to piss the Black Widow off. Well, everyone except Steve and emphasis on "try".

Steve had always felt naturally more protective of Natasha. Don't get him wrong: Steve's protective of a lot of people especially his team, but it was different with Natasha. He couldn't ever bring himself to turn the other cheek when Nat was in trouble, and Natasha couldn't really get mad at him for it. Well, she'd get annoyed but honestly that was an improvement. If it was anyone else who'd act towards her as Steve does, she'd probably have their head. Nat liked to tell herself that she was tolerating certain levels of protectiveness from Steve for Steve's sake. Everyone else had different ideas, but they chose to keep quiet about it.

"Nothing, I just got a little banged up." Natasha muttered, and the look Steve gave her suggested he didn't believe that. "I'm serious, I'm f-fine." Nat stumbled on that last bit as her head was met with flashes of searing pain yet again. She cursed under her breath and pulled away from Steve so she could sink down onto the ground, clutching her head in her hands again.

"Nat, you're not okay. I'm not letting you go on like this." Steve said in a gentle yet firm voice as he crouched in front of Natasha. "I'm taking you back to the jet."

Of course that was met with resistance. "I'll be fine. Just give me a minute." Natasha muttered.

"No, I'm taking you back, Natasha. You're off this mission and that's an order." Steve said. There was something in Steve's voice that made Natasha hunch in on herself, but want to gravitate towards Steve at the same time. She took a moment to collect herself and once the pain dulled a bit again, she lifted her head from her hands and opened her eyes after a moment.

"You'll be wasting time bringing me back to the jet." Natasha said, and Steve looked like he was going to tell her again that she was off the mission, but she beat him to it. "I'll go back by myself. I know where it is, and the way back is clear. Cap, just... Get to this. I got myself." Natasha said as she pushed herself to stand up again. She wobbled just for a moment but otherwise, she seemed steady on her feet.

"You keep getting flashes, I'm not letting y-"

"We're wasting time arguing about taking me back to the jet."

"Then just let me take you back to the jet so we wouldn't be wasting time." Steve said in a firmer voice.

"Just let me go back myself, I don't need a babysitter." Nat said, sounding a little annoyed. She usually wasn't so snappy with Steve but the headache was getting the best of her.

Steve looked like he was going to argue one more time, but then he looked up at someone to Nat's right. "Agent Rodriguez." Steve nodded to Yoyo, one of the agents they had with them on the mission. "Can you please take agent Romanoff back to the jet?"

"Steve, I-." Natasha began to argue again, but Steve cut her off with a "now, please." to Yoyo. Of course Yoyo couldn't really go against the captain's orders, so she nodded her head and looked curiously at Natasha. Not wanting to argue more because it all seemed futile, Nat sighed and just went off with Yoyo. She didn't even look at Steve anymore as she walked away with the agent.

Much to her dismay, on the way back to the jet Natasha had to pause a couple of times because of her head. Yoyo would look on in concern but didn't say anything until they got back to the jet where she was sure they'd be safe. Upon reaching the jet, they were greeted by Fitz and Simmons who looked quite perplexed to see them back so soon. Jemma Simmons and Leopold Fitz are their team's doctors for the mission. Yoyo ignored their questioning looks first though and led Natasha over somewhere to sit.

"Agent Romanoff? Natasha?" Yoyo spoke quietly as she crouched down in front of Nat, who was currently basically hunched over in her seat, holding her head in her hands. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

When they take in agents early from their missions due to presumed injuries or complications, it was standard of course to check them over and tend to them, especially if they were little. Right now however as she was crouching down in front of Natasha, trying to look at the spy's face, Yoyo couldn't help but feel a little more concerned.

Bigs have always been, for some reason, so protective of Natasha even though Black Widow scared them. None of them really knew why though. They tried to rationalize it as just maybe the natural tendency to be protective over littles, but part of them knew that wasn't it. They had a lot of little colleagues, but they never felt this way towards other littles when they're aged like they do with Nat. Regardless, agents tried not to dwell on it too much because Natasha wasn't quite fond of the attention anyway. They'd probably get the urge to hug or coddle Natasha for some reason, but just one mean look from Nat and all that instantly goes away.

Right now though, Natasha wasn't serving Yoyo any death glares which in theory, should be a good sign. With Nat though, this concerned Yoyo more. "Natasha, we can't help if we don't know what's wrong. Is it a headache?" Yoyo asked once more.

"I'm fine. I probably just need to sit down for a bit." Natasha mumbled, her eyes still tightly shut. She was alternating now between waves of nausea and intense pain.

"You don't look fine." Yoyo said with a shake of her head as she reached up to feel Natasha's forehead. "Fitz, Jemma, can either of you do a quick scan?" Yoyo asked as she turned her head to look at their two teammates.

"I don't need a scan." Natasha insisted and sighed but even then, Jemma was already walking towards the pair.

"It'll be a quick scan, agent Romanoff." Jemma said as she stood to Yoyo's left and tapped away on her tablet. "You won't even feel a thing, we can count to three and it'll aaaall be over." Jemma explained in a soothing voice like how she usually would to their little colleagues when dropped, but she didn't mean to. She'd been told Natasha doesn't appreciate that kind of treatment-and Nat wasn't even dropped. Jemma seemed to have realized her mistake because she tensed up and looked at Yoyo for help.

Before Yoyo could say anything though, Natasha just shook her head and stood up on shaky legs. Jemma instinctively reached out to steady her, but Natasha just brushed her off. "I'm fine. I'll just go sleep this off." She muttered before staggering away.

"It's okay, just let her be." Yoyo said softly in response to Jemma's concerned look. She sighed softly as she stood and turned her head to look at Natasha making her way to the bunks. "Let her cool down, we'll check on her in a bit."

"What even happened?" Fitz asked, finally stepping in once Natasha was out.

"I honestly don't know," Yoyo frowned. "I think she turned off her comms at one point and cap went to check on her. I was just nearby so I decided to see if I could help and when I got there, he just asked me to bring her back here."

"Did she get hurt or something?" Fitz asked.

"I didn't see any physical injuries though." Jemma said with a frown as she tapped away on her tablet.

"Well agent Romanoff's known for hiding her injuries well." Fitz pointed out, which was true. Nat would often skip trips to the med bay even for the worst of injuries because she just absolutely hated hospitals.

"No, I don't think she's hiding any physical injuries this time." Jemma shook her head, and Yoyo looked at her curiously as Jemma was still tapping and scrolling away. "I managed to do a quick scan while she sat there, but it's not a complete one."

Yoyo moved closer to Jemma so she can look at the tablet's screen. "What does it say?"

"No physical injuries, at least none that the system deems to be an urgent threat to her." Jemma said, but that didn't really ease Yoyo's worries about the agent. "I didn't get to finish other internal scans, but the system had a start on a quick brain scan." Jemma said, pausing for a bit as she looked at the results. "According to these results, there seems to be some chemical imbalance in her brain."

"That must be from her avoiding drops, right?" Fitz suggested.

"Likely, but if that's the case then this should be more cause for worry." Jemma frowned at them.

"What do you mean?" Yoyo asked, not liking the sound of this.

"Given the period that agent Romanoff's been avoiding her drops, the chemical imbalance should be tremendous." Jemma pointed out. She and a few other scientists back at SHIELD were given the task of trying to understand the science behind Natasha's (lack of) drops. Of course it wasn't easy because they relied on information they got from the med bay on the off-chance Nat would drop by after a mission. "I say should, because it's also quite odd. The few previous scans we have of her showed no imbalance at all."

"So it must be something else then?" Fitz asked.

"Maybe, I can't really know for sure." Jemma said with a sigh as she put the tablet away for the meantime. "It can be caused by a plethora of things given the lack of information I have right now."

"We can check on her later and you can try to get a more thorough scan." Yoyo said reassuringly. "Right now, let's check on the team and see if there's anything we can do from here." Yoyo of course decided she would be staying back in the jet. She was sure the rest of their team would've already advanced on the mission and her re-entering would just cause chaos. Plus, she felt the captain would appreciate it more if she stayed behind to make sure agent Romanoff would be okay. With that, the trio went to the jet's command center to get updates on the status of their mission.

About half an hour later and once they were certain that the mission was going smoothly, Yoyo brought up the subject of Natasha again. "I think we should go check on her."

"Agreed." Jemma said with a nod of her head. She'd been wanting to check on Natasha for quite some time now, but just didn't know if they should already or not.

"I'll stay behind so we don't overwhelm her." Fitz said as he stayed in his seat and Jemma retrieved her tablet. The two women agreed and once Jemma was ready with her things, she and Yoyo went for the bunks.

Upon reaching the bunks, Yoyo knocked before letting herself and Jemma inside. "Agent Romanoff?" Yoyo called out as she looked around. "Agent Romanoff, Simmons just wants to do one quick scan to make sure everything's fine." She frowned slightly when she couldn't see Natasha right away, so she went in deeper and looked through all the beds.

"I swear, it'll only take a moment and then we'll be out of your hair." Jemma said, making a conscious effort this time to not sound so... Soothing? Unlike Yoyo, she was just standing by the doorway currently tapping away on her tablet. She wanted to double check all the tests she'd set up so they could really make quick work of this.

"Jemma." Yoyo called the girl's attention, but Jemma didn't look up.

"Yes?" Jemma asked, still looking down at her screen.

"Natasha's not here." And at that, Yoyo effectively caught her attention and Jemma looked up to see all empty bunk beds around them.


	3. Little Red

When Natasha got to the bunks, she practically crashed down the bed closest to the door. She was in much more pain than she had let on: So much that she was actually starting to tear up. A wide range of emotions were hitting her now but what dominated was frustration. Being around the team right now, around Bigs, was extremely difficult.  
It just made her urge to drop even worse: Just the walk back to the jet with Yoyo was difficult for Natasha to handle. But she wasn't going to succumb to the drop, not when she was so close to fixing all of this again.

That's right! She almost had this under control, just one more night...  
The memory of her quest to seek a "remedy" for her drops was apparently enough to get Natasha going. Her bike was just in the loading hatch of their quinjet. She can easily sneak out and ride back to the compound. That probably wasn't a smart idea given the state she was in, but Natasha didn't want to risk staying here.

She didn't miss how concerned everyone looked about her. Normally that would annoy Natasha-it did annoy her currently, but not because she didn't want the attention. She was annoyed because, she would never admit it out loud, but she found herself actually liking it. Having the bigs look over her, the way agent Simmons spoke to try and calm her down...

Natasha shook her head at the thought, wincing because that did not help her headache at all. She sighed as she gingerly sat up and tried to get her bearings straight. She can do this. It took her a while but she eventually made it to her feet and soon, she was navigating her way to the loading hatch. The others luckily still seemed to be busy so Natasha eventually made it to her bike undetected. She'd been on this jet countless times already so it wasn't much of a challenge for her to open the hatch by herself.

As she climbed onto her bike she hesitated for a brief moment. Going off without any notice whatsoever would not only break protocol, but would also worry her team. Natasha contemplated going back, but only for a moment because she was hit once more with another wave of pain in her head. Before she could rethink her decision once more, Natasha started her bike and sped off.

The farther Natasha got from the quinjet, the more in control she started to feel again. The scents the Bigs were giving off were long gone which greatly helped in her control. Bigs naturally gave off this scent that often calmed Littles when they're in any form of distress.  
All bigs could have this calming effect on any little but generally, heartmates would be the most effective in calming one another. Not that Natasha would know, however.

_Little Natalia was in the middle of her class' sparring lesson when it happened again. Natalia and all the other students in her class were currently eight years old, which meant first drops have become a regular occurrence. It started with Annika 2 years ago when they were all 6. Turns out the girl was their class' youngest known little being dropped to the age of 5. Before Annika's drop, she and Natalia would actually spend what little free time they had playing with one another. But since then, Annika seemed to never have any free time._

_It was only 2 weeks later when Natalia and the rest of the girls discovered the truth. Annika had been the guinea pig, the guinea pig to the Red Room's pilot training courses for littles who were dropped. Black Widows had to be prepared 24/7, and being dropped was no excuse._

_"You all must be wondering why you're gathered here so late." Madame B addressed the little girls. It was the middle of the night, 2AM to be exact and everyone in Natalia's batch had been pulled from their beds for an urgent session, as one of the trainers put. They were currently in one of the big lecture halls, each student occupying their designated seat. A few of the girls were blinking tiredly as they looked at Madame B, but they all knew better than to show any form of tiredness beyond that._

_"As we have told you countless of times in your training sessions, preparation is key." Madame B went on. None of the girls spoke because they already knew by then that no response was desired unless stated explicitly so. "  
You have to be prepared for anything to happen at any time. Get caught off guard and all your training would have been for nothing." As if to demonstrate her point, she slammed a book down onto one of the girl's desks at the end of her sentence, causing the young girl to visibly flinch. This of course, did not amuse Madame B at all. If anything, Madame B looked unimpressed._

_"Do you flinch away from your attacker?" Madame B looked at the aforementioned girl. Natalia looked over and recognized the girl as Yelena. She'd only talked with Yelena 2 or 3 times in their entire stay, but Natalia thought she was nice. She was one of the toughest in their class but right now, Yelena didn't look the part.  
The little girl's eyes were wide as they looked up at Madame B. Her mouth kept opening and closing, as if she was still trying to determine if this was one of those times that they were expected to answer, or if it was just another rhetorical question._

_Natalia knew though. She'd always been more intuitive than the others. At such a young age, Natalia was learning to pick up on cues to determine how she should act. The Red Room was tough, but she'd told herself she was tougher. She might have been the smallest in her class, but their trainers praised Natalia for always being at the top of her game._

_Looking at Yelena now, Natalia knew the former didn't know what to say or do. "No, Madame B." Little Natalia spoke up, trying her best not to sound so tired even though all the little girl wanted to do now was sleep. That had caught the older woman's attention._

_"Then what do you do, Ms. Romanov?" Madame B asked, shifting her attention to the smaller girl now. Natalia looked at Yelena and the latter seemed both grateful and relieved that the attention was off her._

_"We fight to kill." Natalia said without missing a beat._

_"Exactly." Madame B nodded her head at Natalia before looking at the rest of their class. "And do you ladies know what happens when you don't? When you're caught off guard and forget what you need to do?" Natalia knew that this time Madame B wouldn't appreciate a response, so she just stayed quiet and the other girls seemed to be following her lead._

_Madame B studied all their faces before turning and walking towards the front of the room. It was only then Natalia noticed that the desk in front was draped with a white sheet, and something seemed to be underneath it. Madame B had this odd look on her face as she looked down at the table, as if she was both pleased with and disappointed at what lay underneath the sheet. She looked at the girls one more time before reaching for a corner of the sheet and unceremoniously pulling it off, revealing a little girl lying motionless on top of the table._

_"Your classmate here decided to serve as a reminder to you all, why your training should be taken seriously." Madame B addressed the room, and she continued on talking about their chances of survival, about the realities of their drops. But Natalia wasn't paying attention to any of it, not anymore.  
There was no mistaking it, the little girl lying motionless on the table was no other than Annika. Natalia had seen dead bodies before, all of them had. But this was different. All the deaths they've witnessed in the past were of much older men and women, and evil ones at that. Annika was their friend. Annika was her friend._

_Madame B droned on about Annika's death. She explained how she died while dropped because the little seemed to have been more interested in play than her training. She didn't leave out any details regardless of how horrendous the story was. She even pulled up the security footage to show the class that she was in fact, not making any of this up. The group of 6 year old girls stared helplessly at the screen in front of them as Annika was beaten to a pulp. That image never left Natalia's mind._

_That was 2 years ago, and now those memories came flooding back as she stared helplessly at Yelena. They were in the middle of their sparring lesson when Yelena started giggling and running around out of nowhere. But Natalia knew what this meant. Girls in their class had been experiencing their first drops left and right these past few months._

_They'd been dropping from the program as often too. And no, it wasn't because the girls were allowed to leave and go back to their homes. No one just seemed to be capable of accomplishing the extra curriculum set for dropped littles. At first, the alarming disappearance rate scared the little girls. No one wanted to be the next, because the next never came back. But the supervisors immediately picked up on this and found new ways to... Encourage the little girls to drop._

_Natalia wasn't swayed though. No matter how ruthless their regular training sessions were, she knew what lies beyond was much worse. She and Yelena had been staying strong: They'd made a pact to look out for each other, to not let one another drop. But now, looking at Yelena's happy features as she ran giggling away from their trainers, Natalia knew she failed._

"Agent Romanoff? Agent Romanoff!" Natasha had been so deep in thought that she hadn't even realized she'd reached the compound's gates by now. "You're not due back for another day." The guard continued once he was satisfied that he got the agent's attention.

"Yeah well change of plans. Are you going to let me in?" Natasha asked with a quirked eyebrow, even though it really was more of a demand than anything else.

Despite being Little, Natasha was still feared by many in SHIELD and luckily, this guard felt this same fear as well. Nat could tell the guard was a Little because she knew the Big guards would probably be able to sense her distress. There was still an ache in her head that now managed to reach the back of her neck, but she was doing her best to not let it show. And it seemed to work, because the guard just promptly nodded his head and opened the gates. Soon, Natasha was driving her bike into the garage and parking it in its usual spot.

On her way back to her floor she got a lot of questioning looks, but even more concerned ones particularly from Bigs. But she ignored everyone and made a beeline for her floor. The more senior agents like her (not to mention, an Avenger) had their own little apartments in the compound. Standard issue would have one bedroom, one bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen with a dining area. Depending on their needs though, these could be altered. Littles for example, would often request an additional room where they could keep their Little things. Natasha didn't particularly need anything special in terms of her Little status, but she did request an additional room. Given her contributions to the agency, no one could really deny her.

So that was where she went upon reaching her apartment. Her extra room was a little smaller than her bedroom, but it was stocked with some computers, screens, and quite a few lab equipment. Maria Hill first questioned her intentions, but eventually let it go because she felt she could trust Romanoff not to burn the compound down. Sure, she was no Bruce Banner but Natasha had plenty of skills up her sleeves.

When she saw her little lab, it was as if she had renewed hope. Natasha stood up a little straighter and walked over to the cupboards, from which she retrieved a little glass bottle.

_"I don't need drops." Natalia said in a deadpan tone as she looked straight at Madame B. She and the older woman were currently in the latter's office, with Natalia sitting on the chair on the opposite side of Madame B's desk. It was a little after lunch and Natalia had been pulled out of their shooting lessons for what was framed as an urgent matter. Said matter apparently was her Little status. "I've been performing well without them. I'm at the top of my class-."_

_"I don't contest that matter, Miss Romanov." Madame B cut in, effectively shushing the younger girl. "You have always been the top of your class from the very beginning. But the other trainers have brought to my attention that you seem to be a bit more distracted recently."_  
_Natalia knew this day would come. She'd been having headaches more frequently for the past few months, years? She couldn't remember anymore. And the pain just intensified as time progressed. She thought she was doing well in ignoring it, in hiding this, but apparently not._

_Ever since that fateful day 6 years ago when Yelena dropped, Natalia was more determined not to. At first, she considered dropping too just so Yelena would have company. But she knew that wasn't what Yelena would want her to do, so she stood firm. Now, despite being 14, Natalia felt she was that little girl once more. Granted she still looked like a 10 year old, but that wasn't the point. She felt like a deer caught in headlights._

_"I was just trying to give the others a chance." Really, Natalia? She had to fight hard not to wince at her own defense._

_"Really? A chance at what?" Madame B asked with an eyebrow quirked. Natalia knew she wasn't buying it._

_"To survive." Natalia said, and at that Madame B shook her head._

_"I'm disappointed in you Miss Romanov. You need more practice in interrogation." Madame B said as she flipped through her notes. "Luckily, as mentioned you're the best in your class. Perhaps one of the best in the program's history. Otherwise, well..." she trailed off, letting Natalia's imagination conjure up possibilities of how they'd make her life a living hell._

_"You know, there's no point in you lying." Madame B continued. "We've known for quite a while now that you've been withholding your drops-don't look so surprised now."_

_"But if you've known all this time..."_

_"Why didn't we call you out? Force you to drop?" Madame B offered. "Well quite honestly, we were curious as to how long you could last. We're quite impressed you lasted this long, actually." That frustrated Natalia, of course by avoiding one of the Red Room's experiments, she unknowingly plunged herself into another one._

_"Miss Romanov, I don't want to waste any more of our time so let me cut to the chase." Madame B said, and Natalia looked her straight in the eyes. "I know you have no intentions of dropping so as to avoid the... Extra curriculum. But I also know you won't be able to continue doing this on your own, so let me propose you a deal." At that, Madame B opened one of her desk drawers and produced a little bottle which she placed down in front of both of them._

_"Are you not going to ask me what this is?"_

_"You're going to tell me regardless if I ask or not." Natalia found herself saying, but luckily Madame B somehow just found that amusing._

_"Ever the snappy one." Madame B said. "This bottle contains pills that our lab has been developing for a few years now. They're meant to prevent drops and fight the side effects of doing so. I see that caught your attention." She smiled. Usually Natalia was good at schooling her expression, but again, the headache she'd been experiencing was not doing her wonders. "We've only ever allowed a handful of our students to take these and now, you're part of that very short list."_

_"What's the catch?" Natalia asked with her eyebrows furrowed._

_"Stay at the top of your class. The moment you drop a rank, we cut your supply." Madame B responded promptly, having already anticipated that question._

_"I don't believe you." Natalia said, her eyes never leaving Madame B's face._

_Surprisingly, that didn't tick Madame B off at all. "And I'm glad you don't. If you trust too easily then that won't get you very far." Madame B said calmly which annoyed Natalia. "But Miss Romanov, it's either this, or you drop. But given the success rates of our other curriculum right now... I believe this is what you'd prefer. Unless of course, you want to suffer the same fate as your little friend. Yelena, was it?"_

As much as Nat wanted to say that she was strong, she defied Madame B, pulled a surprising maneuver-anything, she didn't. It didn't take long to convince Nat to agree to the pills and she'd been taking them ever since. She didn't take them as prescribed. As much as possible, she didn't want to rely too much on the pills, only taking them when the pain became incredibly unbearable.

This proved handy because at least even years after leaving the Red Room, she still had a sizeable supply for a few years. Of course, her stock was limited and now, the bottle in her hand contained the very last original pill. She'd been saving it for months now, telling herself she wouldn't take it until she successfully replicated a batch.  
Yes, that's right: Natasha was trying to replicate the pills. That's why she'd asked SHIELD for this room.

In theory, she could have asked for Bruce's help. If she had, she'd probably have several batches ready by now. But she had a feeling this was something she needed to keep under wraps. Alone, it might have taken her a while but she was already so close.

She looked at the bottle in her hand and determined if she should just take the pill already: But she had to be cautious. If her first batch failed, there would be no turning back. There'd be no original pill left to study. Sighing, she put the bottle on top of the table first and went to the cooler to check on her first batch. If her calculations were correct, they should be ready by tonight.


	4. Peace of Mind

"Just give me a moment, will you?" Fitz said a bit tensely. He, Jemma, and Yoyo regrouped once the two girls discovered that Natasha was no longer with them on the jet. Now they were currently trying to track Natasha's location using her bike's GPS.

"I can't believe she just took off like that." Jemma said softly, though it probably wasn't uncharacteristic of agent Romanoff, if you think about it.

"I can't believe you didn't let me go after her." Yoyo quipped. When they discovered Nat's bike gone, Yoyo wanted nothing more than to go after her fellow agent, but Jemma and Fitz were quick to stop her. If Natasha wanted to get away from them, there was no stopping her or getting her to come back.

"You think Captain Rogers would be all too pleased that we have two missing agents?" Jemma argued, and Yoyo looked at her as if she grew a second head.

"You think he'll be pleased when he learns agent Romanoff left and we didn't go after her?" Yoyo countered. Everyone knew Steve was a bit more protective over Natasha for some reason. Everyone knew, except Natasha. Or so she played it off like she wasn't noticing.

"She's fully capable of handling herself, you and I both know that." Jemma said as she straightened up a bit.

"Guys-"

"She's a _Little_, Simmons." Yoyo cut Fitz off, neither of the girls seeming to have heard him anyway. Both were too caught up in trying to prove their own point. " An injured Little for all we know. Who knows if she's even capable of driving her own bike right now?!"

"Guys-"

Cut off yet again this time by Jemma. "I like to believe that agent Romanoff would be smart enough not to drive if she felt like she wasn't capable. If you went after her that could just spell even bigger trouble for all of us." That was true. Agent Romanoff was at a much higher clearance level than all of them which, funny enough meant she could probably get away for a stunt like this more easily than they can. Well that, and Natasha was an Avenger after all.

"Guys-"

"You know very well agent Romanoff can be stubbo-" and it was Fitz's turn to cut Yoyo off.

"Would you guys shut up for one second?!" Fitz exclaimed, effectively getting Jemma's and Yoyo's attention. "Thank you." He sighed when he saw that the two had in fact, quit their bickering. Finally. He shook his head to himself and tapped something on his tablet, causing a map to flash on the bigger screen in front of them. "If I'm reading this right, it looks like she's heading back towards the city." Fitz said as he pointed out the blinking yellow dot that was currently moving across the map.

Yoyo looked at the screen and for a moment, she looked a little relieved. Until Jemma spoke up again. "It's yellow." She pointed out the obvious, but she looked a little troubled.

"It is." Fitz mumbled his agreement as he looked down at his tablet, tapping away once more. "But I don't see any immediate cause for concern."

"What's all this supposed to mean?" Yoyo asked with furrowed eyebrows, and Jemma and Fitz shared a look. It was Jemma who answered her question.

"Well, for mine and Fitz's thesis in our first year, we developed this biotech that let us track the person's vitals. It's quite simple, really. The technology's weaved into-"

"I meant, what does the yellow dot mean?" Yoyo cut Jemma off before the girl could ramble on about their creation. Though the fact that the tech was meant to track people's vitals, and that the dot was currently yellow did not seem to bode well.

It was Fitz this time who responded. "Simply put, it means she's not in a particularly good state but it isn't alarming either. I'm looking at a more detailed report here and it seems that she should be fine. If anything, agent Romanoff has heightened stress levels but as far as our tech can tell, that's pretty much it."

"And how intensive exactly are these tests?" Yoyo asked, sounding a bit skeptical which of course Fitz easily picked up on because the man looked slightly offended. As if Yoyo had just questioned the capabilities of his child or something. Luckily though, Fitz was trying to keep a level head for all of them because he knew Jemma and Yoyo were already both frustrated as is.

"As intensive as they can get, agent Rodriguez." Fitz said simply. "Look, there's not much we can do from here. The tech's just meant to gather data and she's already too far off for us to go after. I'll alert Coulson just in case anything happens, and I'll keep an eye on her vitals and location." Fitz said reassuringly. Yoyo sighed, knowing Fitz was right but that didn't mean that she was happy about it.

"Fine. Just update me on any significant changes in her vitals, or if she goes off route." Yoyo said before turning on her comms and shifting her attention instead to the monitors that revealed her other teammates' locations. They still had a mission ongoing, so the least she could do was to see it through from the benches. Plus, she felt like she needed a distraction, otherwise she probably would take off after Natasha soon.

In the next couple of hours, Fitz and Jemma took turns in monitoring Natasha while Yoyo observed the mission, occasionally giving the team intel on the whereabouts of their enemies. Just as Natasha safely reached the compound, much to the three's relief, Steve and the rest of their team were on their way back to the quinjet. The three of them barely had any time to discuss how to break the news to Steve before the captain himself joined them.

"Hey, things turned out to be a lot easier than we anticipated." Steve said casually as he put away his shield. Steve looked a little tired but otherwise, he seemed to be doing fine. "How's Natasha?" Steve asked, looking first at Yoyo then at Fitz and Jemma. The trio took note that Steve said Natasha and not agent Romanoff, which of course meant that Steve was asking as Nat's friend or as a Big, not their team leader. But of course he was: Natasha was much more to him than his teammate. If he hadn't been the only high level agent out on the field to be left earlier, he would have probably taken Natasha back himself.

When he didn't get an immediate response, he frowned slightly in concern and decided to just change his question. "Where's Nat?" Steve watched as Yoyo exchanged concerned looks with Fitz and Jemma before she spoke up.

"She's... Back in the compound, captain." Yoyo said, and Steve can see all three of them suddenly tense up. He did too.

"I'm sorry, did you just say she's back in the compound?" Steve asked, his forehead scrunching up in confusion. He wasn't sure he heard Yoyo right. He hoped he didn't.

"Agent Romanoff left a couple of hours ago, sir. We've been tracking her location and vitals ever since." Fitz offered before nodding to the screen, which displayed Natasha's current location and her vitals.

"Did no one think of going after her?" Steve asked, trying incredibly hard to stay calm. Natasha had left not feeling well, and these three just let her go? Avenger or not, Natasha was part of their team, an unwell Little part of their team at that.

Yoyo looked like he was about to say something, and Jemma seemed as if she was pleading her to keep quiet. Before Yoyo could speak up though, Skye-or rather Daisy as she likes to be called when Little, came running in.

"Auntie Jemma!" Daisy exclaimed as she basically made a run for the scientist. The agent seemed to have dropped some time along the way back to the quinjet. Despite the situation, Steve found himself smiling even just a little at the sight. Like other Bigs, he always had a soft spot for Littles. Daisy was one of the youngest Littles he knew and found her absolutely endearing.

"Hi Daisy!" Jemma said with as much enthusiasm as she smiled and crouched down, opening her arms up for the Little to run into, which Daisy did. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Jemma asked sweetly as she wrapped her arms around the Little. "It looks like you've got a little owie there, huh?" Jemma said gently as she looked at the small cut above Daisy's left eyebrow.

"Uhhuh, but I didn't cry 'cause I'm a big girl." Daisy said, sounding a bit proud of herself. "Are you gonna tell mommy I was brave and am a big girl?" She asked with wide eyes. Steve couldn't not smile at that as she watched the exchange.

"Mhm, you bet we're telling your mommy how brave you are. And how well-behaved you will be while I clean that up, yeah?" Jemma asked with a gentle smile, but Daisy pouted in response.

"But auntie Jemmaaa..." Daisy whined, and Jemma chuckled as she stood back up before taking Daisy's hand.

"Come on sweetheart. After we get that cleaned up we can read a story, how about that?" Jemma suggested as she led Daisy away. Steve pretended not to notice that Jemma looked relieved to have a valid reason to leave their previous conversation. Daisy of course looked pleased with that suggestion, so the Little didn't fuss anymore as she was led away.

Once the pair had left, Steve turned his attention back to Yoyo and Fitz who did not look all-too pleased to be abandoned by Jemma. "We thought of going after her but we felt that wouldn't have gone well." Yoyo said, and Fitz looked surprised, as if he hadn't anticipated that to be Yoyo's response. "Almost as soon as we got back here she already separated herself form us. She wanted space, sir."

"And we've been keeping a close eye on her vitals, informed Coulson as well of the situation on the off-chance that things would get out of hand." Fitz added. "Based on my readings it seems that agent Romanoff just has a terrible headache, sir. It wasn't anything too serious."

Steve sighed and closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself down. He knew the agents meant well, but it didn't change the fact that he was concerned about Natasha's well-being. "Alright. Let's just head back already." Steve said after a while. "Wheels up in 3, tell the pilot." He said before leaving the room to go to the bunks for privacy, intent on trying to contact Natasha.

And he did, or so he tried. Every call he made just went straight for Natasha's voice mail, be it on her landline or her mobile. Steve was starting to get agitated because yes, he knew Natasha made it back to the compound. But he didn't know if Natasha needed any medical attention. Natasha was an adult, sure: An adult who didn't particularly like going to the medbay unless she was on the brink of death. Agent Fitz had told him that Natasha may just be experiencing a headache, but something told Steve it was much more than that.

They were already on the way back to the compound, but they were hours away. Anything could happen to Natasha in that span of time, so Steve picked up his phone and called the person he knew he could trust and count on.

"Hey Cap, mission go well?" Tony asked as soon as he picked up Steve's call, and the latter couldn't help but smile a little upon hearing Tony's voice.

"Yeah, yeah it was fine." Steve said as he leaned forward and rested one of his elbows on his thigh, his other hand holding his phone to his ear. "It's just, are you by any chance at the compound?" Tony didn't stay over as often, but Steve hoped that tonight was one of those nights.

But the world didn't seem to be on his side tonight. "No, I'm back at my place. Why, what's up?" Tony replied. "And Cap, you are aware that it's 2 in the morning, right?"

"Mhm and you should be asleep, but you aren't." Steve pointed out, earning a soft chuckle from Tony on the other end.

"Yeah well I had to stay up, make sure that when you need a little virtual hand-holding after your mission I'm here." Tony teased, making Steve blush a little but he smiled nonetheless. The two of them weren't necessarily dating. Both of them felt this attraction towards one another and have been flirting for quite some time. They didn't really do much beyond that though, and it was driving the rest of the Avengers nuts.  
"What's wrong?" Tony asked when Steve still hadn't answered his question.

"It's Natasha." Steve said with a sigh. "She... Went off mission."

"Natasha always goes off mission." Steve could practically hear Tony rolling his eyes. "For all we know Fury might have given her another side mission or something." Steve could hear beeping, metals clanking, and an engine revving on the other end so he figured Tony was probably working in his shed.

"No, I mean she left the mission, Tony. And she was unwell." Steve explained. "I checked on her in the field because she turned off her comms and I see her out of it."

"What do you mean out of it?" Tony asked. Tony, like almost everyone else, knew how protective Steve was of Natasha. So by extension, Tony was growing a little protective of her as well.

"I don't know, she was distracted. But not by her thoughts or something. She was in pain so I had her brought back to the quinjet-"

"I bet she didn't appreciate that." Tony commented,

"-where agents Fitz and Simmons did some tests or something. They said Natasha was just experiencing some headache but by the time we got back after the mission, she was already gone." Steve continued.

"Well, if little miss encyclopedia and budget Einstein say it's just a headache I think I'd trust them." Tony said.

"You really need to stop calling them that, Tony." Steve said with an amused shake of his head. "I know how capable they are but my gut says it's more than that. You and I have seen Natasha with a simple headache, and she practically just brushes it off."

"So you're telling me all this because... You were hoping that I could check on her?" Tony clarified, to which Steve nodded his head before he realized Tony couldn't see him.

"Yeah if you were at the compound, but..." Steve sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you so late for this."

"Hey, you don't have to apologize, it's fine." Tony insisted. "I can't really check on Nat right now, but I think Clint should be at the compound. I can ask him to quickly check on her if you want."

"That depends. Is your Little going to murder me for disrupting his sleep?" Steve asked with a humorless chuckle.

"You and I both know he'd be more upset if something was potentially wrong with Nat and we didn't let him in." Tony pointed out, and Steve knew he was right.

"Alright, okay. If it won't be too much." Steve said softly. Clint was probably the closest friend Natasha had, so he was banking that Natasha would let him know if anything was up.

"I'll call Clint and get back to you when he gives me any updates." Tony said reassuringly.

"Thanks Tony, I appreciate it. Really." Steve said as sincerely as he could and he let out a breath of relief.

"No biggie. She'll be fine, Steve." Tony said. "And hey, you take it easy, okay? You just finished a mission and aren't due back for a couple of hours. There's not much you can do about the situation from there, so why don't you close your eyes for a moment, yeah? Again, I'll just call you when I get updates."

As much as Steve wanted to argue against that because he wanted to be up in case anything happened, he knew Tony was right. "Yeah, okay. Thanks again, Tony." After exchanging goodbyes with Tony, Steve finally hung up and kept his phone close by. If Tony believed that Steve would be taking a rest while waiting, he was wrong. His mind just kept racing about Natasha and he was getting restless.

Even when Tony called around an hour later to tell him that Natasha seemed to be fine, he still couldn't sit still.

Back in her bedroom at the compound, Natasha had fallen asleep again. "Again", because a few hours ago she'd woken up to FRIDAY informing her that Clint was at the door. She refused to let him in at first, but then he threatened to just ruin all her vents and he wouldn't quit bugging her, so she conceded. It took a lot of convincing from Natasha (and basically her flipping Clint over her shoulder out of annoyance) before Clint finally believed that she was feeling okay and left her alone.

Of course she was doing okay, as she'd finally taken her pill. After checking and rechecking her first batch of replicas, Natasha deemed it finally a success which was quite a relief. They just all needed to set but otherwise, they were good to go. So taking confidence in her capabilities, Natasha took the last original pill and almost immediately, she was filled with relief.

But when her alarm went off again for that second time tonight, alerting her to someone else at her door, she swore she was going to get an even worse headache. "FRIDAY, I said no more intruders." Natasha muttered as she grabbed a pillow and put it over her head, in a futile attempt to block out the noise.

"Yes Ms. Romanoff, but he insists on seeing you immediately." FRIDAY said.

"Tell Barton to go away unless he wants me to kick his ass again." Natasha grumbled.

"It's Captain Rogers, Ms. Romanoff." FRIDAY informed her, and at that Natasha furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion. "He says he's aware that you might kick his ass, but he insists he isn't leaving until he sees you."

Now Natasha was as stubborn as a stubborn Little can get. She could have just muted FRIDAY because she knew Steve wouldn't do anything crazy anyway. But this was Steve. As much as it annoyed her sometimes when she felt Steve was a little overbearing, he was actually one of the people Natasha liked the most. She liked it when she did something that made Steve smile, or something that'd earn her even the smallest of praises from him.

And more than that, she hated it when Steve got upset or worried.

So after a couple more moments of contemplation, she sighed and hesitantly pulled herself out of bed and made her way to her front door. When she opened it, sure enough Steve was there, looking just about ready to knock again. "Shouldn't you be in debriefing?" Natasha asked as she looked up at him.

"I wanted to check on you." There it was, that same warm feeling she got whenever Steve showed her any concern. Now that her head wasn't hurting that was all her emotions were focusing on. "Can I come in?" Nat wanted to say yes, but for once her stubbornness won over.

"It's late, Steve. I was sleeping, and if you're not heading to debrief you should be heading to bed too." Natasha said, not moving aside from her place in the middle of the doorway.

"How's your head?" Steve asked instead. She was waiting for him to berate her about leaving the mission, but it didn't seem like that was coming. She looked up at Steve again and could see the genuine concern in his eyes.

"Better." Nat said truthfully. "I think I just had a terrible migraine. I'm sorry about leaving." Nat said, beating Steve to it but he just shook his head.

"It's fine, I should know by now that I can trust you to know how to take care of yourself." He said with the smallest of smiles. That should've made Natasha happy or proud... But for some reason, she felt a bit disappointed? "You've always been more independent than the others." Really, that was it? No sermon on how she jeopardized the mission?

"Well if I'm so independent then why did you feel the need to check on me?" Natasha asked with an eyebrow quirked. The words left her mouth before she could stop herself. Luckily Steve just chuckled softly and shook his head in amusement.

"I guess it was for my own peace of mind, then." Steve said, but Natasha could tell that he wasn't telling the complete truth. He could see Steve's eyes wandering her face, as if looking for any signs of her lying. But Natasha was much more trained at this than Steve was and she could easily school her expressions.

Natasha pursed her lips together and nodded her head. "As you can see, I'm doing fine. I told you, it was just a migraine. That enough peace for your mind?" She said with the smallest of smiles. Natasha could see a little hesitation in Steve's features, as if he didn't believe her. But if he didn't, he also didn't say anything about it.

"Enough peace for now." Steve said with a nod and tight smile. "I should probably let you rest then. Wouldn't want you to get another headache."

Despite her earlier stubbornness, part of her didn't want Steve to leave. "Yeah, okay. Good night, cap."

"You sleep well." Steve said with a nod and smile. They bid each other goodbye and Natasha shut the door before heading back to her bedroom, strangely enough feeling a little emptier than she had before seeing Steve. Sadly, it was a familiar feeling for the Little. It was something that often overpowered her emotions whenever she pushed Steve away. She knows she wasn't attracted to Steve though, at least not in the same way that Tony was. She couldn't find any explanation for it so she just chalked it up to her Little side craving a Big's presence.

Never mind that she didn't feel this way towards other Bigs. All she knew was that if she'd think about the matter even more her head may explode. So like all the rest of the times that this happened, Natasha just pushed those feelings down and climbed back into her bed, falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit her pillow.

The next time she woke up it was already light out, and luckily it wasn't to FRIDAY alerting her of another unwanted visitor. Unluckily though, it was because her head was throbbing once more. This neither upset nor surprised Natasha though. Every few months or so, the headaches were much worse and frequent so she had to take more pills. This probably just was one of those months.

Knowing that her first batch of pills would probably be ready by now, Natasha hoisted herself up and out of bed, throwing her legs over the side. She sat there for a couple of moments as she got her bearings straight but soon, she was getting up and walking towards her makeshift lab. She went straight for her fridge, crouching down so she can reach better.

She pulled out her tray that contained the first batch and sighed in relief when she saw that they had in fact, settled. She grabbed one pill and popped it into her mouth, easily swallowing it dry before she stood and grabbed the bottle she reserved for the rest. Once she had it capped, Natasha stored the bottle in one of the cupboards before going out to her kitchen to make a quick breakfast.

Usually, she'd eat breakfast with the team. This hadn't always been the case, but a few months back Steve insisted that they had team breakfasts as much as possible. Something about building their relationships or whatever. No one bought it though and Nat had a strange suspicion that Steve suggested that so he can be sure she was eating right. She didn't call it out though because one, she didn't want to embarrass herself and make it look like she was assuming everything Steve did was for her (because really, it wasn't). And two, maybe part of her actually liked that routine. It gave her more reasons to be with Steve _without _her having to initiate it. After yesterday's events though, she wasn't really up to seeing anyone.

Natasha already had a routine established for herself, which meant this morning would be a visit to the shooting range. No reason to break that routine just because of missing team breakfast, so she just grabbed a granola bar and started her coffee maker. Yeah, Natasha wasn't the healthiest of eaters but she got by with her diet, so it wasn't a cause of alarm for her. She was just halfway through her granola bar when she could feel her pill already taking effect. She smiled a little and gave her a mental pat on the back for it.

She thought back to yesterday's events and cringed a little. She still couldn't believe she ran off from a mission like that, but she just comforted herself by saying that it was a low-level one, and it turned out well, anyway. She wasn't particularly concerned about what the rest of her team thought about what he did. Well, that is except for Steve. Did Steve think she was going rogue or something? Did Steve actually buy her migraine story?

Who was she kidding, of course he didn't. Why he just let it go so easily though, she didn't understand. Was it because he didn't really care enough? That thought alone made Natasha's stomach feel like it was going in knots.

It was the coffee maker alerting her to the fresh batch of the juice of life that pulled her out of her thoughts. Natasha shook her head to herself and poured a cup of coffee, tossing her half-eaten granola bar into the bin before walking back to her bedroom, cup of coffee in hand. Yeap, not the best of diets. It was a mystery to all of them how Natasha stayed so fit despite her eating habits, but the last time they tried to call her out on it, well... Let's just say it made them not want to try again.

Once she'd downed her cup of coffee, Natasha pulled on her typical outfit and got ready for the day. She liked starting in the shooting range because apart from the sound of her gun firing, it was nice and quiet.

The range was often used for training sessions only in the afternoon, and agents with down time would rather spend their free time elsewhere. Caretakers would most likely sleep in, while Bigs and Littles with heartmates more often than not spend the free time with one another.

Not Natasha though.

Natasha kept telling her that she didn't want that, that she wasn't weak. She kept telling herself that until she believed it. She didn't think any less of her Little teammates though. Natasha knew they couldn't help themselves: They didn't have the same resources or training that she did. There was a time she seriously considered letting Clint in on her secret, primarily so she could offer him this solution to drops as well. But she figured it wasn't for everyone.

_"Nooo! Stop it Wanda! It's my turn!" Daisy whined. They were out in the park in the middle of the compound, just lounging around.  
Years ago, Hill and Fury decided to have this park developed so Bigs and Littles could have at least a breath of fresh air nearby during their down times. It was often filled with Littles running around and Bigs chatting with one another by the picnic tables. Today though, it was just most of the Avengers and their SHIELD team partners. _

_"Nuh-uh! It hasn't been five minutes yet. You gotta wait your turn." Wanda said as she continued to kick her legs and swing high. Most of them had come from a pretty bad mission the previous day, so they all decided to get together for a little family time._

_"You just don't wanna share!" Daisy said as she stomped her foot in frustration. Natasha was watching the potential disaster unfold from her spot on the picnic table. Daisy looked awfully close to tears. _

_"You just don't know how to wait!" Wanda said in a somewhat teasing tone, that of course just upset Daisy even more. _

_"Wanda be nice to your little sister." Sam said in a warning tone. _

_"Uncle Sam Wanda's not playin' nice!" Daisy whined, and Wanda looked like she was about to retaliate but before that, Steve stepped in. _

_"Come on Daisy, why don't you and I build the biggest sand castle there is, hm?" Steve said with a smile as he crouched down by the Little. Daisy frowned and she looked at Steve for a moment before glancing back at Wanda._

_"The biggest ever? Is it gonna have a place for the horsies to sleep?" Daisy asked._

_"Mhm, the horsies could even have their own little castle." Steve said with a nod. That seemed to interest Daisy more than the swings did, so the girl smiled at Steve and nodded her head. Meltdown and crisis averted. Seeing Steve play with their Little teammates stirred something within her. She felt all soft and lightheaded for some reason. _

_"You know, for someone who wasn't part of the mission you look the most stressed out here." Clint said in an amused tone as he sat down next to Natasha._

_Natasha just rolled her eyes in good nature and shook her head. She was still watching Steve who'd just sat down in the big sandbox with Daisy. "Shouldn't you be dropped and playing right now?" She asked, to which Clint shrugged in response to._

_"I can drop later." He said. "What's on your mind?"_

_On a normal day, Nat would have shut Clint out; would have denied that there was anything bothering her. But seeing her team right now, gathered together with Bigs playing with the Littles... It was overwhelming her. "What's so great about dropping? I mean, you just turn into some little kid for a while and then what?" She asked with her eyebrows furrowed together. _

_Steve and Daisy were filling some buckets now with sand and Steve kept pretending to miss, ending up dumping sand on top of Daisy's feet. Daisy found that hilarious and she was a giggling mess. Steve was a big, but he hasn't found his heartmate yet so for now, he was the cool uncle to plenty of Littles. "Well, it's more of an emotional thing." Clint responded after a while. _

_"So that makes you think I'm not capable of understanding?" Natasha asked with an eyebrow quirked, turning her head to look at Clint. There was amusement in her voice though, which told Clint she at least wasn't really offended. _

_"I didn't say that." Clint said, giving Natasha a look. "It's just something you really need to experience to understand." He continued. _

_"I guess I'll never understand then." Natasha shrugged. That much, Natasha knew. _

_"Why don't you want to understand?" Clint asked. He'd asked Natasha similar questions in the past but they've always been brushed off. He was probably hoping that now would be a different case._

_"What do you like most about dropping?" Natasha asked, trying to shift the focus of their conversation. Nat could practically feel the disappointment radiating from Clint, but other than that he showed no signs of displeasure at the sudden change. He probably expected it. _

_"That's a tough question." Clint said, looking into the distance as he gave it some thought. "I guess it's that I can forget all about the horrors of the world for a while. Kids see the world a different way and it's nice to experience that kind of innocence again-even as a 12 year old." Clint chuckled.  
"Tony makes it pretty cool, too. He knows when I need coddling, but he knows when I need some independence. He just... Knows me, I guess. The emotional benefits you get from the heartmate connection really isn't a joke. No matter how cheesy it sounds, being around Tony makes things better even when I'm aged." Clint continued._

_"But I'm rambling now. I guess the short answer would be what I like most is how it makes all this more bearable. Whether dropped or not." Clint said before turning her head to look at Natasha. _

_"What do you hate about it?" Natasha asked softly. She was still trying to take in what Clint had told her, but she needed him to keep on talking. _

_"Oh that's easy. That Tony can punish me and put me in time out." Clint said with a roll of his eyes, and Natasha actually snorted and laughed at that. The sight of his best friend in the naughty corner definitely was amusing. _

_"That's the worst you can think of?" Natasha asked in an amused tone as she looked up at Clint, and Clint shrugged._

_"Not much bad things I can say about it, if I'm being honest." Clint said easily._

_"So if you had the chance to take it away, to make your drops stop, you wouldn't take it?" Nat asked, and it was Clint's turn to furrow his eyebrows together._

_"No, not at all. The pros definitely outweigh the cons. And hey, I can run around and cause havoc with less consequences than I'd probably get when I'm aged. It's a pretty good deal to me." Clint grinned._

_"You're such a dork." Natasha said as she lightly bumped her shoulder with Clint's, making the latter chuckle._

_"Mhm, but you love me anyway." Clint said as he wrapped an arm around Natasha and pulled her close before kissing the top of her head. She'd normally push away the affection, but this was Clint so it was different: He wasn't a Big. _

Natasha never understood Clint's logic, or maybe she just didn't try or want to understand. Nevertheless, she let the topic go and never brought it up with Clint ever since. If it makes Clint happy, then she wasn't ruining it for him. So once she'd gotten dressed and ready for the day, she pushed all those thoughts aside and just left her apartment for the shooting range. There would be no thoughts about dropping or not dropping from now on.

Much to her dismay though, upon reaching the range she discovered that it wasn't empty as usual. Agent Melinda May was there. It wasn't that she disliked May, she liked May quite a lot. But Natasha goes to the range expecting it to be empty. At least May was usually quiet and kept to herself anyway.

Still, Natasha just gave May a small smile and nodded her head in hello before going to her locker. She got her equipment on and took her usual spot, trying her best to tune everything out and just focus on the targets in front of her.

She lasted about ten minutes. As quiet as Melinda May was, her presence was also awfully... Eerie. And Natasha could practically feel May's eyes on the back of her neck.  
"What is it, agent May?" Natasha asked as she reloaded her gun. "If you need something, just say it."

For a moment, Natasha thought May was ignoring her. But a couple of seconds later, just before she was going to unload another round of bullets into her target, May was by her side. If Natasha hadn't been a spy, she would've been caught surprised because of how quiet May was.

"So what happened yesterday?" May asked as she leaned against the wall that divided the range they were at from the others. Nat was about to shoot, but she put her arms down and looked at May in confusion. "I heard you left the mission early." May clarified.

At that, Natasha huffed and raised her arms again, preparing to shoot. "Had a migraine, figured I was no use in the field that way so I left." She said before shooting the target right smack in the middle of its head.

"I've seen you endure things worse than migraines and you still went charging into battle." May pointed out, and Natasha knew she was right. "I'll ask you again, what happened?"

"What is this, an interrogation?" Natasha scoffed and shook her head before reloading her gun.

"It doesn't have to be if you cooperate."

"If I cooperate?" Natasha asked incredulously as she released another round of bullets. May let her finish before speaking up once more.

"Are you doing drugs?" She asked, absolutely no filters at all. Now Natasha's rarely taken aback during so-called interrogations, but this? The accusation was absolutely absurd and Natasha found herself laughing.

"Excuse me?" Natasha laughed as she turned and finally looked at May. She even put down her gun on the table because she felt she needed all her attention for this.

"You heard me." May said, her eyes narrowing just a little.

"I can't believe you would even think-"

"Just answer the question"

"No! I'm not doing drugs. For gods' sake, May. What's gotten into you?" Natasha asked, utter disbelief in her tone.

"I've checked your records. You have your own personal lab in your apartment." May informed her, and Natasha could feel herself getting more and more agitated. How had May known that? "I know you've been taking chemicals from the labs, and the equipment you've been ordering?"

"Why the sudden interest in me, huh?" Natasha interrupted before May could go on. But May ignored that question for now.

"Your performance has been declining over the past few weeks." May continued. "You're getting distracted, your scores are declining, and not to mention you avoid the medbay as if it's the plague."

"Listen, you have no business going through my files, or doing your own personal investigation on me for that matter." Nat said, her fists involuntarily clenching.

"I do when my agents, my _little_, are at risk because of your decisions." May countered as she straightened up and crossed her arms in front of her. May was a petite person: Taller than Natasha, but she wasn't a Steve, or a Clint even for that matter. But now her aura was radiating "Big", a Big who's getting awfully protective of her Little. That, and of authority at that. Nat almost wanted to back down. Almost.

"A risk? Are you hearing yourself, agent May?" Natasha asked. "Hill was the one who-"

"-who gave me clearance to investigate you." May cut her off, and that honestly caught Natasha off guard. "I brought all the data to Hill and she agreed to the investigation. And I'm telling you this now, because we have enough suspicion to have you undergo extensive drug tests."

"This is ridiculous." Natasha muttered and she shook her head as she took a step back from May, but May only stepped towards her. "You're not subjecting me to some drug test. I'm not some addict, May would you listen to yourself for a moment?!"

"If you're not taking drugs, then there's nothing you need to worry about." May pointed out.

"I know you're upset that I left the mission yesterday, but Steve was there. It wasn't like they were left out on the field on their own." Natasha argued. "And my declining performance? I-" Natasha wanted to argue on, but something stopped her.

It was a slight pain in her head at first, but then it started to travel down her neck, her spine... And then eventually Natasha came crashing down to the floor.

"Agent Romanoff? Agent Romanoff! Natasha!" By then, Natasha was spasming on the floor. She barely registered May telling FRIDAY to call for help before she blacked out.


	5. Getting There

"Are those two ever on good terms when not dropped?" Tony asked with an amused shake of his head as he scrambled some eggs for the omelets.

It was team breakfast again and it was his and Steve's turn to prepare it. Almost everyone was in Steve's apartment and the Littles were dropped. Sometimes, Steve suspected Wanda and Clint dropped excessively to tire the Bigs out, but he wasn't complaining. He loved being a Big and he loved looking after their Little teammates. He could only hope one day he'd get his own heartmate too.

"Yeah, when it's the two of them against us." Steve chuckled. Clint and Lincoln were currently in the living room fighting over the video game controller, from what Steve gathered.

"I guess it's better off this way, then." Tony joked, earning a look from Steve. "What? Oh come on you know by now that I'm kidding." Tony said before going back to the eggs.

"I know." Steve smiled. It came to a surprise to a lot of people, but Tony Stark was actually a pretty great Big and heartmate to Clint. Not that Steve ever doubted him, but he really admired the man. It was one of his many great qualities, in Steve's opinion.

"You know most of us don't like our bacon burnt." Tony pointed out and Steve finally came to, only now realizing he was in fact overcooking the bacon.

"I thought you liked them crispy." Steve said in what was probably a lame attempt to save face.

"Crispy, not burnt." Tony explained as he poured the rest of the ingredients into the bowl. "What you're doing to that bacon is a criminal offense. I should take you to the precinct for this."

"The precinct?" Steve asked, an amused smile gracing his face as he looked up at Tony.

"As I said, a serious offense." Tony shrugged and went to stand by Steve by the stove so he can cook the omelets already. "So, you check on her last night?" Tony asked quietly as he poured the eggs into the pan.

Steve sighed softly and nodded his head, but he kept his eyes on the bacon this time. "Yeah, yeah I did." He responded. "She seemed well enough." There was a moment's pause before Tony responded.

"So why do you still look so troubled?" Tony's gotten better at reading Steve, that's for sure.

"I don't know, I feel like she's hiding something." Steve said as he flipped the bacon. "Sometimes I just wish she'd let someone in. Anyone, it doesn't even have to be me." Steve shook his head. He tried not to dwell on the fact that the thought alone made his stomach feel all unpleasant.

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder too what goes on in her mind." Tony admitted. "She keeps up a tough facade but we all know she's been through a lot."

"I was hoping you'd say something comforting." Steve admitted, but there was the faintest of smiles on his lips.

"You know I'm not one to sugarcoat." Tony shrugged. "But hey, you know if there's anyone she's going to open up to we all feel like it's you."

"Doesn't feel like it." Steve mumbled, but the idea of that did make Steve feel a little bit better.

"Oh come on. She's less hostile towards you, more receptive of your overbearing protectiveness-"

"I'm not overbearing." Steve argued.

"-and she actually seeks you out sometimes." Tony continued. He was busy cooking the omelets so he missed the confused look on Steve's face. Steve's tone was probably equally confused though.

"She doesn't seek me out." Steve said with a shake of his head.

"Please. The only two people who probably don't notice that or are aware of that are you and Nat." Tony said with a scoff as he put the first omelet on the plate before pouring another batch into the pan. "Don't you remember after the Chitauri invasion?"

"You mean when we all went out to get shawarmas?" Steve asked, it just being the first thing that came to mind.

Tony rolled his eyes in good nature. "Yes, but no. I meant before that."

_"If it's all the same to you," Loki said from his position on the floor, "I'll have that drink now." Really? Steve could not believe the nerve of this god._

_Bruce, or rather, the Hulk grunted in response and Steve had the same sentiments. _

_"Alright, get him on his feet." It was Tony who spoke then. The man can be arrogant or hardheaded sometimes, but he can at least pull off a decent plan. "We can all stand around posing up a storm later. By the way, feel free to clean up." Tony said before turning to leave their group huddled around Loki. _

_Steve sighed softly and shook his head as he and Clint hoisted up the god of mischief to his feet. "Having a rough day?" Clint asked Loki. Steve was about to tell Clint to stop making pleasantries with the god, just feeling a slight bit protective of his Little teammate. Then he realized how ridiculous he was being because Clint was fully capable of taking care of himself. That, and his question didn't seem all that sincere anyway._

_"I've had better days." Loki shrugged, he was about to say something else but Natasha had spoken up first._

_"Hey, so who gets the uh, magic wand?" Natasha asked as she held the scepter in both hands._

_"Magic wand?" Loki asked in such an offended tone that Steve would have laughed, but he was too busy looking at Natasha. That wand-scepter, was too dangerous._

_"Strike team's coming to secure it." Steve answered, and before anyone else can say anything, he added, "here, let me have it." He said as he moved away from Clint and Loki to approach Natasha, his arm extended out as he waited for Nat to hand it over._

_Natasha's forehead scrunched up in confusion, but she didn't argue against him and just handed it over wordlessly. He thanked Natasha and turned around to walk away, just to get the scepter away from her. As he did, he saw Tony looking at him curiously, but the man didn't say anything so Steve didn't press. _

_Steve stood off to the side as he waited for the Strike team to arrive. He was in the middle of pondering over the events of the previous days when the elevator doors opened and out came Sitwell along with some other members of the Strike team. Tony nodded to them in greeting and Sitwell's eyes eventually landed on the scepter in Steve's hands. The man greeted everyone else as he approached Steve. _

_"We can take that off your hands." Sitwell said as he neared Steve._

_"By all means." Steve said with a nod as he offered the scepter to Sitwell, making sure to be careful. _

_"Be careful with that thing." It was Natasha who spoke up and Steve looked over just to see her walking towards Clint who was at the bar. _

_"Unless you want your mind erased." Clint said as he handed Natasha a drink, and Steve felt himself tense up. He wanted to take that drink from Nat's hands, but then he talked some sense into himself. Despite being Little, Natasha was an actual adult. She could have a drink if she wanted to.  
_ _"and not in the fun way." Clint continued, earning a short laugh from Natasha. For some reason that wasn't comforting to Steve. _

_"We promise to be careful." Brock Rumlow said as he and Sitwell placed the scepter into some special container. Just then, someone was contacting Steve through his comms, help was needed down in the streets. It was no surprise given the chaos going on just a few minutes ago._

_"On my way down to coordinate search and rescue." Steve said as he walked across the room towards the exit. The elevator would take too long and he knew the rest of the team would be needing it. Right when he was about to leave the room though, Thor spoke up._

_"Captain Rogers, why don't I take over?" Thor suggested, and Steve turned around to look at the god of thunder. Thor was looking straight at him, and there was something about his expression but Steve couldn't put a finger on it. _

_"You want to take over search and rescue?" Steve clarified. He just figured Thor might want to stick with Loki, or maybe go back to Asgard already or something. He took the chance to glance around the room and at his teammates: Tony was watching the scene unfold curiously, Bruce was, well... Trying not to break anything else, and Clint was eyeing Natasha who looked a bit uncomfortable for some reason. _

_"Yeah I figured I can you know, maybe do it a little quicker. No offense." Thor shrugged and broke him out of his thoughts. _

_"None taken." Steve said with a shrug. He had a feeling Thor was right, anyway. At that, Thor bid them goodbye and left the penthouse to go coordinate search and rescue in lieu of Steve. The Strike team was still packing up and coordinating Loki's transfer, so the team waited for them to be ready. Once that was done, Steve walked to the elevator along with everybody else. Natasha was about to step in, but then FRIDAY alerted them that the elevator was at full capacity. Steve was standing to the side, so he couldn't really see Natasha's face._

_"It's fine, I can go take the next trip. I'll wait with Bruce." Natasha said, but without missing a beat Tony spoke up._

_"Actually, I think I forgot my wallet in my room." Tony said as he stood from where he was sitting on top of the case. "You go on ahead with them, Nat." On his way out, Tony accidentally bumped into Clint, causing him to move left and away from Steve. Once off the elevator, Tony looked at Nat and didn't leave until she got on, as if making sure she got on okay. _

_Natasha seemed to visibly relax once she was inside, but Steve chalked it up to just being done with the day already. "So we're meeting Tony in the lobby or at the shawarma place?" Clint asked. _

_"Let's just wait for him in the lobby." Steve said. "I'll let Thor know where it is so he can meet us there afterwards." _

_"I think I'll pass, guys." Natasha said from beside Steve. "I'll head back to the Triskelion."_

_"What, why?" Clint turned his head to look at Natasha. "This is supposed to be the best shawarma place in town, according to Stark." _

_"I don't know, I just want to rest." Natasha said with a shrug. Steve wasn't sure how he really felt about Natasha going back on her own, but it seemed like he didn't like that idea. _

_"It's just going to be a quick meal, Nat." Steve said, and Natasha turned her head to look up at him. Quite frankly, Natasha did look tired, and Steve felt a little bad for trying to get her to come with them still. "Just come with us to the restaurant. If you still feel like going back once we get there, then we can order take out and I'll go back with you." _

_Natasha frowned slightly and she looked like she was contemplating the offer. She shifted on her feet as she did, and just as they reached the lobby she gave her answer. "Yeah, okay. That sounds fine." Natasha said softly. That put Steve more at ease than he'd thought it would. _

"I don't think I've ever told you this yet, but at that point we all haven't been together that long." Tony said, breaking Steve out of his trip down memory lane "Didn't know much about you guys except your weird costume choices-hey ow!" Steve playfully smacked Tony's arm at that, and Tony glared playfully at Steve before he continued.

"Point is, didn't know much about you and Nat so I just assumed that you two were heartmates." Tony casually said, as if it was no big deal. But it was, even though it wasn't real. Steve's never said this out loud, but he always had this hunch that maybe Natasha would be his heartmate. He didn't want to get his hopes up though: The thought of potentially finding the one was overwhelming. So he squashed the thought and just thought that Natasha brought out this natural protectiveness out of Bigs. The fact that someone else thought he and Natasha were heartmates...

"Anyway," Tony continued after a while, "didn't really forget my wallet in my bedroom that day. I just observed how Natasha would keep looking your way while we were at the penthouse. And she visibly relaxes when she's near you. You were awfully protective as well, even during the battle." Tony said, finally looking at Steve with an eyebrow raised.

"I was not protective... During the battle." Steve defended himself. Or so he tried.

"Not going to waste my time arguing that, you think what you want to think." Tony said. "And come on, you thought point break really wanted to coordinate search and rescue?" Tony scoffed.

"Well... Yes." Steve said a bit pathetically.

"He didn't." Tony said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Guy doesn't know his way around our streets, Cap. That didn't occur to you?" Tony asked, and Steve actually felt stupid for not realizing that. Before he could dwell on it though, Tony spoke again.  
"Nat tensed up pretty bad when you were leaving." Tony continued to explain. "And I think Thor had the same thoughts I did because he didn't miss a beat in volunteering to take your place."

"I'm really that dense?" Steve asked, and Tony gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Yeap." He said before transferring another fresh omelet onto the plate.

"When you bumped into Clint. That wasn't accidental, huh?" Steve asked as he thought back to it.

"Maybe not as dense as I thought." Tony amended.

"Uncle Steve uncle Steve!" It was Wanda who came running in, still in her pink Belle pajamas.

"Hi sweetheart." Steve smiled as he turned around and crouched down, opening his arms for Wanda to come into. The Little came running towards him, giggling as she crashed into Steve. He kissed the side of her head and stood up with Wanda in his arms before turning back to the stove.

"Can we play tea party now pleaaaaase?" Wanda asked. "Pretty pretty pleaaaase? You promised me and Daisy we're gonna play tea party today." Yes, that was true, he did promise that to his nieces.

"I'm cooking right now, Wanda. If I don't cook that little tummy of yours is going to be a rumbling monster." Steve said as he gave Wanda's tummy a tickle with his free hand, causing her to giggle and squirm in his arms. "I'll play with you and Daisy after breakfast, okay?" He smiled, and Wanda cheered.

"Daisy! Uncle Steve's gonna play tea party with us after breakfast!" Wanda yelled back to the living room, causing both Steve and Tony to wince.

"Indoor voice, please." Tony said gently, but it was drowned by Daisy cheering from the living room, and Clint's and Lincoln's protests. Moments later, all the Littles have gathered in the kitchen.

"Uncle Steeeeve, you promised you were gonna play Mario Kart with me and Lincoln." Clint whined, and Lincoln looked as equally upset too. Steve sighed and turned off the stove once he transferred all the bacon onto the plate.

"Uncle Steve already said he's gonna play tea party with me and Daisy, so you gotta wait your turn." Wanda said, turning her head so she can look at Clint.

"He doesn't wanna play some stupid girly game." Clint said, his face showing utter disgust as if playing tea party was the most offensive thing in the whole world.

"Just because you don't know how to play it doesn't mean it's stupid." Daisy defended this time as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and pouted.

"It's pretending to pour tea into cups and drinking invisible tea! How hard could it be?! It's stupid." Lincoln said. "Mario Kart's way cooler than some tea party, and uncle Steve's cool so he wants to play that."

"He already said he's gonna play with me and Wanda!" Daisy argued.

"Okay how about we let uncle Steve have a say in this, hm?" Steve said as he walked towards the Littles with Wanda still in his arms. He just wanted to diffuse the bomb before this all went downhill. Grumpy Littles at team breakfast never went well. "Kiddo, I did promise Wanda and Daisy first." He smiled apologetically at Clint and then Lincoln, and Daisy and Wanda cheered yet again.

"But you're also right, I did promise that we'll play Mario Kart." Steve said with a soft chuckle. "How about we all play tea party for an hour after breakfast, then we can play Mario Kart for an hour after that?" He suggested.

"Aww but Wanda and Daisy are gonna ruin it 'cause they're just babies." Clint pouted.

Before the two girls could argue though, Tony stepped in. "Bubs you know better than that." Tony said in his best dad voice. "Play nice or there won't be any playtime at all."

"Fiiiine." Clint said with a groan, but he turned to leave the kitchen and Lincoln quickly followed after him, leaving Tony and Steve with the two other Littles.

"Do you two want to help me and uncle Tony with breakfast?" Steve smiled at Wanda then at Daisy.

"Yeah yeah yeah! Me and Wanda are good helpers!" Daisy said happily as she jumped up and down in excitement and Tony chuckled at the Little's enthusiasm. They still had quite a bit more to cook, so there was plenty of easy tasks the two girls could help with. Of course, Steve knew them "helping" would just lead to them taking longer, but if it made Daisy and Wanda happy...

Luckily the two girls were still in their pajamas because they caused quite a mess. Tony had to clean the two up with wet napkins while Steve set the table and served the food. "FRIDAY, is Natasha up?" Steve asked as he set down the plates on the dining table.

"Miss Romanoff has been awake for quite a while. She has already eaten and is currently getting ready in her room." FRIDAY reported. Steve wasn't going to deny it, he was a bit disappointed that Natasha won't be joining them. At least though this meant that Natasha was feeling well. If Steve remembered correctly, she'd probably be heading to the shooting range in a bit.

"So Natasha's not joining us, then?" Tony asked as he came in with the plate of omelets, and two Little girls trailing behind him. Their pajama shirts were still a disaster but Steve supposed that was the best they could do.

"Nope, FRIDAY says she's already eaten." Steve said, trying his best to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"But Nat doesn't eat breakfast." Wanda pointed out as she tried to reach for a pancake with her bare hand, but Tony shook his head and stopped the Little. Despite never dropping, the other Littles never called Natasha "auntie Nat", it just didn't feel right with them because Natasha's still a Little. Nat was more of like a big sister to them instead. Never mind that Nat was actually the smallest among them.  
"She just drinks coffee." Wanda said before looking up at Tony and pouting.

"Yeah, that's why you want us to always have team breakfasts right?" Daisy spoke this time, and Steve looked at her with his forehead scrunched up. Was he really that easy to read?

"Okay you two," Tony stepped in as he put one hand on Wanda's back and the other on Daisy's. "Why don't you call the others for breakfast, hm?" He said as he gently nudged the two girls to the living room. The two girls seemed happy to be trusted with another responsibility so they went running off to the living room, probably to drag everyone to the table.

"You can always catch up with her and check if she wants to have lunch with you." Tony suggested as he helped Steve finish setting the table. "You know she's more open to that with you-well, and Clint. But that's besides the point."

"I guess I can do that." Steve said softly with a nod. "You think she'll mind if I join her in the shooting range?"

"You barely use guns," Tony pointed out. "So apart from finding it suspicious, yeah I think she'll mind. If she was well enough to get up and decide to continue her routine, I think you can leave her on her own for a while, Steve." Tony said gently.

"I know, I know." Steve sighed. He knew he was starting to get a bit overbearing again, so he tried to tone it down a bit. Before he could dwell more on his thoughts, the rest of their team came piling into the dining room, so Steve put on his smile again. They were rarely complete at team breakfasts because everyone had such busy schedules, but they still tried their best to make this a thing, whether complete or not. This breakfast was a pretty sizeable bunch with Steve, Tony, Wanda, Daisy, Lincoln, Clint, Sam, and Jemma.

Breakfast went as well as you'd expect it to with four hyperactive Littles. Steve thought it would've been better with Natasha there, but he was trying not to dwell on that. Luckily the Littles served as a good distraction from his thoughts because they seemed to have been done pulling each other's hair. If anything, they were actually getting along.

"Uncle Steve are we gonna go play tea party now?" Wanda asked hopefully as she climbed up onto Steve's lap once they were all done. She sat facing him so she could look up at Steve with her big, doe eyes. "Pretty pleaaaase?"

"Yeah! Bunny and Chip are waiting for us!" Daisy said, referring to her stuffed bunny named Bunny, and Wanda's stuffed cat named Chip.

"I don't knooow... I think I'm so full I'm just about ready for a nap." Steve teased, a smile playing on his face as he grabbed a napkin and wiped Wanda's face clean.

"Awww but uncle Steeeve!" Wanda whined and tried to evade Steve's hand, but Steve's had a lot of experience already with the squirmy Little so he managed to get her cleaned up.

"You just seem so cuddly I can almost fall asleep here." Steve said. He set down the napkin before wrapping his arms around Wanda, hugging her like a little teddy bear and pretending to sleep: Complete with snores and all.

"Noo don't be silly!" Wanda giggled and shook her head. Now there was no favoritism in Steve's books, but Wanda was in fact the Little that Steve was closest to. There was no denying it either that Wanda absolutely loved her uncle Steve.

"I'm not being silly, you just give really good cuddles." Steve smiled as he basically nuzzled his cheek on top of Wanda's head.

"We can cuddle another time! Now it's time for a tea party." Wanda giggled as she tried to push Steve away. "Uncle Steeeeve c'mon!"

"Alright, alright." Steve chuckled and sat up after kissing Wanda on her forehead. Wanda and Daisy cheered once more and Wanda basically hopped off of his lap. The two Littles took either of Steve's hands and practically dragged him out of his chair. Since the team spent a lot of time in Steve's apartment, there was actually an entire section in his living room set aside for the Littles' toys.

"Are we going to have the tea party at the coffee table?" Steve asked as he let the two girls drag him to the living room.

"It's not a _coffee _table, uncle Steve." Daisy said with a shake of his head. "It's the tea party table!"

"Right, I'm sorry. The tea party table." Steve chuckled softly. Once they got to the shelves that held a lot of their toys, the girls let go of Steve to get their little tea party set. Steve knew the drill by now so he got some of the throw pillows and placed them around the coffee table for them to sit on. He also set aside the potted plants and waited for the Littles to bring over their toys. They liked setting up the tea party themselves, so Steve sat down on the couch first and waited. Bunny and Chip were just on the couch too, so he went ahead and sat them down at their usual spots.

"Do you girls need any help?" Steve asked anyway, in case the girls were open to it this time.

"Nuh uh, we got it!" Wanda said confidently as she came over with some of the cups while Daisy brought the teapot.

"I see we're using the princess set today." Steve said. The girls had two sets in Steve's apartment, just for variety.

"Uhhuh, so they can match our jammies." Daisy said with a nod of his head, and Steve chuckled softly. The two girls did love their princesses.

"Maybe we can get matching princess shirts with uncle Steve!" Wanda said excitedly, and Daisy's eyes widened at that.

"Yeah! I'm gonna ask my mommy when we can go to the mall next so we can buy shirts!" Daisy said excitedly. Quite frankly, Steve was not looking forward to wearing a princess shirt, but if it made the girls happy then he'll live with it.

"You know that sounds like a really great idea." Steve smiled, and that made the Little girls absolutely happy.

"Maybe we can get shirts with all the princesses on 'em." Wanda said as she set up their tea cups and saucers.

"Uhhuh, and it's gotta be pink and glittery." Daisy said seriously. She was taking care of the toy pastries and Steve couldn't help but smile at how seriously the girls treated their tea party. Once everything was set, Steve took his spot on the floor between Bunny and Chip while Wanda and Daisy sat on the other side of their stuffed animals.

"What kind of tea are we having today?" Steve asked as he reached for the teapot so he can serve everyone their tea.

"It's the special rainbow kind." Wanda said happily.

"Uhhuh, rainbow flavored with hints of cimmamon." Daisy said with a nod, and Steve smiled fondly at that.

"Well that sounds delicious." Steve said as he poured the girls their tea before moving onto the stuffed toys.

"Steve." Steve looked up to see Tony standing by the doorway separating the dining and living rooms. Steve was about to invite him to join their tea party, but then he saw the look on Tony's face. "Can we hit pause on this for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure." Steve said with a slight frown before turning to Wanda and Daisy. "I just need to talk with uncle Tony for a moment, okay? Don't finish all the treats without me." He said with a playful wink. Wanda and Daisy frowned but they nodded their head and let Steve leave without a fuss.  
"What's up?" Steve asked softly once he'd approached Tony.

"Bruce just called." Tony said quietly, perhaps so that the girls wouldn't overhear. "It's Natasha, he says she's been brought to the medbay and he needs you to come over."

"I'm sorry, what?" Steve asked and he swore he felt his stomach drop. Nat rarely went to the medbay. In fact, if it could be avoided-which was almost always the case with Natasha, she'd probably never go there. And the fact that Tony said that Natasha was _brought_ to the medbay, and not that she didn't go on her own?

"Bruce didn't want to give me details over the phone. He just told me he needs you to come down for her." Tony said as calmly as he could. "Usually they'd call the heartmate, but Natasha... Well, you're her team leader. That's the closest Bruce could think of for Nat." The fact that that was true made Steve sad. Natasha deserved someone more than a team leader.

"Yeah, um, alright. Okay, I'll head down, I just..." Steve mumbled as he turned a bit to glance back at the two girls. He didn't know what to say without making them panic.

"It's fine, I'll take care of them. Just go, Natasha needs you." Natasha needs him. That was more than enough to get Steve going and he nodded his head. He thanked Tony and bid him goodbye before brisk walking to the front of his apartment and leaving. He was so focused on Natasha he'd forgotten to say goodbye to the girls and only realized it once he was in the elevator. He told himself he'll make it up to them another time. Right now, he needed to get to Natasha ASAP. What could have happened?

The elevator couldn't move fast enough for the life of him, but finally he reached the medbay's floor. He knew the ins and outs of this floor already, sadly, so Steve easily made his way to the main section. One of the medics saw Steve and asked him to wait as he called Bruce out. Now that Steve was at the medbay, he was feeling even more nervous than he had: As if the dread was starting to sink in. If they managed to bring Natasha to the medbay, that must mean that it was pretty bad. He mentally slapped himself though because he needed to keep it together.  
Natasha didn't need him to panic, Natasha would need him for support.

Steve didn't even bother sitting down because he was feeling too restless, but luckily there seemed to be no need to have. Bruce came into view moments later looking mildly concerned, which didn't sit well with Steve. "Steve," Bruce nodded to him in greeting, and Steve gave him a tight smile. It was the most Steve could manage. "Why don't we talk in my office?" If Steve wasn't nervous then (which he was), he was now. He nodded his head in response and followed Bruce to his office, where he sat down on the chair opposite Bruce at his desk.

"What happened?" Steve asked as his eyebrows knit together.

"It's Natasha. I got an alert a while back from May, she said it was an emergency. Natasha had passed out in the shooting range, and May tells me that Nat was actually spasming on the floor. By the time I got there though, she was unconscious and lying still." Bruce said, and Steve blinked a couple of times as he tried to take in that information. When it seemed like Steve wasn't going to say anything, Bruce continued.

"So we brought her to the medbay, and I asked agent May what happened." Bruce continued, and then he went on to inform Steve of May's suspicions on Natasha taking illegal drugs: How she'd gotten the clearance from Hill to investigate Natasha, and now she had enough evidence to actually warrant subjecting Natasha to several drug tests. "She's agreed not to file any reports until I finish the tests-"

"You took tests?" Steve asked with his eyebrows furrowed, he sounded awfully offended. Did Bruce actually believe May's suspicions? This was _Natasha_ they were talking about.

"Steve, we found a little ziploc bag with a single pill in it in her jacket pocket." Bruce said gently, and that got Steve. Was Natasha going through something? How could he not have noticed that? Was it so bad that Natasha was actually resorting to illegal drugs? Was May right, and was he just neglectful?  
Sure, Natasha liked to be independent, she disliked having too much attention on her. But she was still a Little, a Little with no Big. The least Steve could have done was to keep a closer eye on her even from afar.

"Now, before we jump to conclusions," Bruce continued, effectively breaking Steve from his thoughts, "I decided to run tests on the pill as well. For all we know, it could be just some pain medication." That's right, maybe Natasha just had some special meds.  
"I just had to do the drug tests because well, Steve, the circumstances did just fit the bill."

"So you think Natasha's taking drugs?" Steve asked, sounding a bit colder than he'd intended.

"No, I know Natasha. I don't think she's taking anything illegal, but to quiet everyone else you know I had to do it." Bruce said, and Steve could hear the exasperation in his voice. "I should get the results in a few minutes, and you'll be the first to know." He said, and Bruce nodded. Bruce didn't speak for a while, probably letting Steve take all this information in. At least the next time Bruce spoke, it was relatively good news.

"Nat's awake, by the way." Bruce said. "I looked her over, and she seems fine. It's also why I didn't believe agent May's suspicions because _if _she did take drugs, then I would've picked up something in her bloodstream."

"So if you say she's okay, then what happened to her?" Steve asked in confusion.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. I have a hunch, but I'll wait to confirm it with the results before I bring it up. No use doing so if we're not sure." Bruce said, and Steve frowned.

"You think it has something to do with the pill, don't you?"

"Unfortunately I do." Bruce said solemnly. "I don't think it's anything illegal, that much I can say. But I've had my own suspicions with Natasha for a while now and well..." Bruce shrugged. And Steve waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"Can I see her?" Steve asked softly after a while.

"Ah, yes. Yes you can. That's why I called you, actually." Bruce said as he straightened his glasses. "I want Natasha under closer supervision for a few days."

"I thought you said you don't think she's taking drugs?" Steve frowned.

"I said she's not taking anything illegal. We still have that pill to consider, Steve." Bruce reminded Steve gently, and Steve knew he was right. Even if it wasn't illegal, that was the only lead they had on the cause for Natasha dropping like that in the middle of the range. "I think it'll be good for the both of you, for Natasha especially. It's not house arrest or anything." Bruce said, trying to inject some humor into it.

But Steve wasn't laughing. He went back to his conversation with Tony earlier, on how Tony and Thor both thought that Steve and Natasha were supposed to be heartmates. Did Bruce think that too? "Just think of it like an impromptu, lengthy sleepover in your apartment. I'm prescribing rest for the next three days-so no strenuous activities and especially field work." Bruce said, pulling Steve out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, okay." Was all Steve managed. "So she can get discharged?"

"Right after we get the lab results." Bruce said with a nod. "Unless anything alarming comes up, but I'm banking on there not being any. It seems she already hit the worst of it back in the range." That at least provided a small relief. "Come on, I put her in the private room nearest my office." Bruce said as he stood and waited for Steve to do the same.

Steve took a breath and nodded his head before standing and following after Bruce to Natasha's room. Upon entering the room, Steve noticed that Natasha was in fact awake. She looked a little worse for wear, but at least she didn't have any tubes attached to her. Steve told himself that at least meant Natasha was stable, right?

"Hey Nat, there's someone here to see you." Bruce said in a gentle voice, the voice Steve knew Bruce used on his Little patients. But if Natasha didn't like that, she didn't show it. She just turned her head to look at them and smiled weakly, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.  
Steve had half expected her to complain and tell them to discharge her already, but she didn't. Maybe she wasn't as well as he'd thought.

"Hey Steve." Natasha said, and she cleared her throat because her voice came out a little hoarse at first. "Came to get me out of this place?" Ah, there it was. A watered down version, but it was there.

"I told you Nat, we'll discharge you once we have an okay based on your results." Bruce said soothingly, and Natasha huffed so Steve gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'll leave you two for a moment, but I'll be back when I have the results." Bruce said. Steve nodded his head and quietly thanked him before walking over to Natasha's bed. He sat down on the chair beside the bed and just looked at Natasha.

"Steve, you're looking at me as if I'm dying." Natasha pointed out after a few moments.

"Sorry, sorry." Steve sighed and shook his head to snap himself out of it. "How're you feeling?"

"I don't know." Natasha shook her head slightly. "I'm okay, I guess." She said softly.

"You want to tell me what happened?"

"No, not really." Natasha mumbled, and she turned her head so she probably avoid looking at Steve, but he reached over and gently stopped her.

"Hey, no avoiding me like that." Steve said gently. "We don't have to talk about it if you're not ready. But when you ever do feel ready, you know you can always come to me."

"I know." Natasha said with the smallest of smiles. "Why'd you come?" Ah, Steve should have anticipated this question.

"I heard you passed out in the shooting range, so I wanted to come and check on you." Steve said. It wasn't a complete lie. Even if Bruce didn't ask him to come, he still would've gone to check on Nat. He just didn't want to bring the pill up yet because Nat probably didn't know that he knew. Heck, Nat maybe didn't even know that they found it. If they had to bring it up, Steve wanted to make sure Nat was well enough to have that conversation first.  
"We missed you at breakfast today." Steve said, also to change the topic.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about missing it." Nat apologized. "Did Clint and the others cause any more trouble this time?" She asked, and Steve chuckled. There was never a boring team breakfast, that's for sure.

"Not much, actually. Probably the most interesting would be making plans on going shopping with Daisy and Wanda. Prepare to see me in a Disney princess shirt sometime soon. Daisy and Wanda want us to have matching shirts." Steve said with an amused smile. Natasha smiled and chuckled, but Steve could feel that it wasn't completely genuine. He didn't bring attention to it though.  
"I think they'll like it if you get one with us." Steve pointed out gently, just to test something out.

"No, that's your special thing with them." Natasha shook her head, but Steve noted that she didn't really say she didn't want to.

"Come on, you're their big sister. I'm sure they'd love to have matching shirts with you too." Steve smiled. Nat looked like she was pondering it over for a while, until she eventually nodded her head.

"Yeah okay, I'll go with you guys. For Wanda and Daisy." That last bit sounded like an afterthought, but Steve didn't dwell on it. He was just happy he got Natasha to agree to something like that. Even though Nat never dropped, Nat still had her Little side somewhere inside, and Steve loved the little moments when that side would show. Even if it was just a tiny bit.

"I'm sure it'll be fun. We can all even go see a movie after." Steve suggested, and he felt all warm inside when he saw a genuine smile on Natasha's face.

"Yeah, I think that sounds nice." Natasha said softly. Steve nodded and smiled as he reached over to gently brush Natasha's hair from her face. Natasha didn't flinch away, so Steve took that as a good sign. When his hand brushed against her skin though, he frowned at how cold she felt.

"Are you cold?" Steve asked in concern, but he was already trying to pull the blanket up to Nat's shoulders.

"A little, but it's fine. I can manage." Natasha insisted, but she didn't fight being tucked in. Steve shook his head and reached for the AC's remote, increasing the temperature a bit so it wouldn't be too cold in the room.

"Is that better?" Steve asked. He ignored the blush on Natasha's cheeks and just smiled when she nodded her head. He'd taken care of Littles before, no doubt about that. But taking care of Natasha always felt different. It felt right. She rarely let Steve take care of her like this, but Steve loved the rare occasions that she did, even if they were just short moments and small tasks.

"So how'd the mission go yesterday?" Natasha asked after a while, probably to break the silence. Steve was surprised she asked about that, but maybe the silence was just making Natasha uncomfortable. So he indulged her and told her all about it: How Skye seemed to be improving out on the field, getting a better control of her powers. He went on, telling Natasha all the details but he made sure not to say anything that could upset her. Natasha for her part, would not as she listened and laughed whenever Steve said something particularly funny.  
They hadn't even realized how much time had passed until Bruce came in to check on Natasha again.

"Do you want me to leave first while Bruce talks to you?" Steve asked gently as he helped Natasha sit up against the pillows per her request.

"No it's fine, you can stay." Natasha said after a moment's hesitation. Steve could sense the hesitation, but he also didn't want to leave Natasha's side just yet, so he stayed put. He saw Nat look up at Bruce and nod to him, so Bruce started to tell them about the lab tests he ran.

"For the most part Nat, you seem to be healthy. Heartrate and blood pressure are normal, blood count's perfect, lungs are clear-I can go on with all the basic tests but it all boils down to me telling you that those seem to be fine." Bruce said, looking at Natasha first then at Steve.

"You said for the most part." Steve pointed out when Natasha didn't seem to be offering any input after a while.

"Yes, well, I saw in your records that agent Fitz ran a quick test on you yesterday, so I decided to do a more intensive version of that." Bruce said, and Steve recalled Fitz mentioning that they did run a test on Natasha, but only to find that she had some headache or increased stress levels or something.  
"Natasha, I'll be very straight with you. It was more than a headache. I was able to pinpoint some abnormal brain activity, but the cause of which I can't determine for sure right now."

Steve knew what Bruce meant. There was a possibility that it was linked to the pill that Natasha took, but he was probably waiting to see if Nat would say anything about it. Steve looked at Natasha, and could not for the life of him read her expression. It was as if she wiped any emotion off her face and was just looking blankly at Bruce.

"Have you taken or eaten anything new in the past few days?" Bruce asked as gently as he could when Natasha didn't offer anything. "Any new medication? Maybe something to help that headache you had last night?" Bruce probed, but Natasha wasn't showing any signs of hearing Bruce.

"Natasha, we need to know the cause of this." Bruce sighed.

"What even makes you think that I took anything new?" Nat asked defensively. Well, at least she was responding now. "If this has something to do with agent May-you have no business... She had no business to say something like that." She said.

"She may have told me something, but Natasha-"

"And you believe her?" Nat asked incredulously. "You think I'm some addict?"

"I didn't say that." Bruce said calmly. "But I think there's an external cause to this abnormal brain activity, and Nat I really need to know if you introduced anything new to your body so we can get to the bottom of this."

"I'm not telling you anything because there's nothing to tell." Natasha said, her eyes narrowing a little. Steve sighed and looked up at Bruce. This wasn't getting them anywhere.

"Can I talk to Nat for a moment?" Steve asked, and Bruce nodded his head in understanding before turning to leave to give them privacy. Once Bruce left them, Steve got up and sat down on the edge of Nat's bed, turning a bit to face her.

"Nat," Steve started of in a soft, gentle voice. "All Bruce wants to do, all we want to do, is to help. You know you can trust us." Steve said, and Natasha took in a deep breath and shook her head.

"Can you look at me? Nat honey, come on." Steve said, unconsciously using the term of endearment with Nat. That seemed to work though, because Nat did turn to look at Steve. Once she did, it was then he finally realized how troubled Natasha actually looked. It was as if she let her guard down once Bruce left the room.

You know I'll never let anything happen to you, and I won't let anyone do anything to you." Steve said in a soothing voice. "I just want to help, and so does Bruce. But we can't help if you just shut us out." Steve continued.

"You're gonna get mad." Natasha said in the softest, and most vulnerable voice that Steve's ever heard from her. Steve frowned at that and shook his head.

"Honey I promise I won't get mad." Steve said soothingly. At this point, he figured there wasn't anything Nat could say or do that'd make him mad. "You can tell me anything, and I'll still be here. Nothing you say or do will push me away from you."

Nat sniffled and cast her eyes down. She stayed silent for a few more moments, Steve hoped she was considering telling him. He stayed quiet first to let Natasha think about it. He waited, and he waited, and just when he was about to say something, Natasha beat him to hit.

"I may have taken something new this morning." Natasha said softly without really looking at Steve.


	6. The Beginning

_Natasha_

"Honey, I promise I won't get mad." There it was again, Steve calling her honey. The first time Steve said it, Natasha somehow convinced herself that she imagined it. But this second time, there was no fooling herself. Something about Steve using that term of endearment with her made her feel all warm inside. "You can tell me anything, and I'll still be here. Nothing you say or do will push me away from you."

Natasha was firm about her decision on keeping quiet. She told herself no one was going to find out about her pills. It wasn't that the pills were illegal, per se. Everything she used to make her first batch came from SHIELD's labs, so she was pretty sure that meant nothing illegal. It was just that she didn't want to deal with the inevitable judgment that would come when people find out. What would they think if they found out she still used something from the Red Room?

And this was Steve. Steve was probably one of the last people Natasha wanted to disappoint. Just the sheer thought of it was getting Natasha emotional and she actually found herself sniffling: What the hell? She cast her eyes down to avoid Steve's gaze (and so she can rapidly blink away her tears without Steve noticing). But then again, that was the point: This is Steve.

If there's anyone she _could _tell about this, it's Steve.

"I may have taken something new this morning." Natasha said before she could stop herself.  
She took a chance and tilted her head up to look at Steve. She studied his expression and it didn't take her long to understand that it was actually a look of concern that he had.

"Can you tell me what it was?" Steve asked in a gentle voice. Well, given the outburst she had with Bruce earlier, Natasha supposed Steve knew already; or at least that he had a hunch. Even then though, she wasn't sure she wanted to tell Steve exactly what it was. But then why had she told him she'd taken something to begin with?

Natasha didn't verbally answer him, but she shook her head no. Her stubbornness was definitely creeping up again.

"Why don't you want to tell me?"

"Because you're going to tell Bruce." Natasha said when she realized that her issue wasn't telling Steve. It was that if she told Steve, he'd be obligated to tell Bruce, then her secret would be out. For sure, they wouldn't allow her to continue taking the pills: Not after this happened.

"Nat," Steve started in that same gentle voice he used earlier, "I know... I know you had a pretty rough morning with agent May, Bruce told me that." Of course he did, but strangely she didn't feel upset that Steve knew. If anything... Was this relief?  
"And I know it can be pretty scary or upsetting, even the Black Widow gets scared or upset sometimes." Steve said with a small smile. "But I promise you we're on your side. No matter what, okay? You can trust us, you can trust me. All I want to do right now is to make sure that you'll be okay."

Steve's voice sounded so genuine and soft that Natasha was starting to feel comforted by it. Pair that up with his concerned expression and Natasha felt like she was going to break down from the overwhelming and confusing emotions she had. "It was..." She started to say, but she stopped herself. Once she told Steve, there'd be no going back.

Nat didn't even realize she brought her right hand up to her mouth to bite on her nails, until Steve reached out and gently tugged her hand away. She blushed at the realization that Steve caught her. Over the past few months, it'd been a bad habit that Nat developed whenever she was stressed out, and Nat was stressed out quite a lot. Which only meant that her nails were a disaster by now. She was about to apologize and pull her hand away, but when Steve didn't let go of her hand and just gave it a gentle squeeze, all thoughts flew out the window. Just that simple gesture alone got to Natasha.

Steve never judged her no matter what she did. All he ever was towards her was caring and supportive. She was half expecting Steve to nudge her, to prompt her again to tell him. But he didn't.

She realized Steve was probably waiting for her, giving her the time to tell him when she was ready. Maybe she'll never be ready to let anyone in on her secret, but right now she was ready to stop feeling so alone for once. These past few minutes with Steve were the most comforted she'd felt in weeks. And it was always like this with him.

"It was a pill." Natasha said in an incredibly soft voice. She was looking down at her lap again because she was still nervous that Steve would judge her. But his tone was anything but judgmental.

"What was the pill for?" Steve asked, his tone still gentle and concerned.

"It was some... Medication." She answered. In place of nibbling on her nails again she just fiddled with the edge of her blanket.

"For that migraine you had last night?" Steve clarified. "It was supposed to help with the pain, yeah?"

"You can say that." Natasha shrugged, still looking down at her lap.

"Nat, I'm going to need a little more than that so I can help you, honey." Steve said, and Natasha could almost hear the frown in his voice.

"My head's feeling better already though. Maybe we can just let it slide." Natasha said, but she had a feeling that was quite a long shot, and she was right because she looked up to see Steve shaking her head. It was worth a try, at least.

"I don't want to risk that." Steve said. "I'm glad your head's not hurting right now, but there could be other things going on that we can't see or feel."

"If I tell you, they might make me leave." Natasha said softly, and she could feel tears building up in her eyes. Even though she probably didn't show it, she saw SHIELD as her family, especially her team. What if they made her leave because of this? Was that even allowed?

"I'm not going to let that happen." Steve said in a gentle yet firm voice. "I'm on your side, honey. I'll protect you no matter what. I promise." Nat bit down on her lower lip to stop it from trembling. That really meant a lot to her, especially coming from Steve. She was just so tired and hearing Steve say that gave her a little bit of hope. Maybe she doesn't have to do this alone: Would Steve understand and help her stop her drops?

"It's... The pill wasn't really for a migraine." Natasha said, and she could sense some renewed hope from Steve; probably because they were finally getting somewhere.

"What's it mainly for, then?" Steve asked. Natasha took a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes for a moment before speaking up again.

"They're for my drops. Or, well, they're supposed to stop my drops." Nat said in such an incredibly soft voice, that she was sure Steve probably wouldn't have heard her if he wasn't sitting so close.

"So you've been taking them for quite a while, then?" Steve asked, and Nat was relieved that she couldn't sense any judgment in Steve's voice or features. If anything, she was picking up on some concern.

"Yes, but I ran out of the original batch." Natasha admitted with a frown. "So I tried to replicate them on my own, and well, the pill I took this morning was my first batch."

"Natasha..." Steve trailed off and then he sighed softly.

"I'm sorry." Natasha wasn't even sure why she was apologizing. It's just that Steve seemed so troubled right now and she didn't like it. Maybe she should have just kept quiet.

"Thank you for telling me." Steve said softly, and he gave Natasha's hand another reassuring squeeze. She'd even forgotten that he was holding her hand in the first place. "I'd want to hear more about this another time, okay? If you're open to talking about it with me, I'll listen. Right now I think we need to tell Bruce about this too, okay?"

"Bruce isn't going to take me away?" Natasha asked softly, unsure where this vulnerability was coming from. All she knew was that her head was starting to get a little fuzzy, but she chalked it up to her being tired.

"Bruce won't take you away." Steve confirmed. "I won't let anyone take you away."

Much to Natasha's dismay, she found herself actually sniffling. She reached up with her free hand and hastily wiped the tear that managed to escape her eye.

"It'll be okay, Nat." Steve said soothingly, and she saw him reach out towards her then hesitate for a moment, until he finally decided to retract his free hand. She heard Steve sighing softly and he didn't say anything for a moment, but then he probably decided this couldn't wait any longer.

Eventually, Steve called Bruce back in, saying that they need to talk. Bruce suggested that they can talk in his office, but Steve was quick to say no: They can just talk out in the hall instead. Natasha had a feeling Steve wanted to stay close by in case she tried to make a run for it. She couldn't blame him, but it also hurt her to think that Steve didn't trust her enough to leave her alone for a few minutes.

"We'll just be right outside your door, okay?" Steve told Natasha in his soothing voice. He was still sitting down on the bed, his hand holding hers as he rubbed circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. Nat found the gesture oddly comforting. "If you need anything, just call out."

"Okay." Natasha said softly with a nod of her head. Steve gave her another reassuring smile before he stood up. When Steve let go of her hand, part of Natasha wanted to actually go after him, but she snapped herself out of it and stayed put. She sighed to herself as she watched Steve exit the room with Bruce.

_Steve_

When Steve saw a tear escape Natasha's eye, that was when he knew that something really was wrong. Natasha never cried in front of anyone, and he meant _anyone_. Granted, she wasn't really crying per se, but this was probably the first time Steve ever saw Natasha be this vulnerable.

"It'll be okay, Nat." Steve said in what he hoped was the most soothing voice he could muster. He reached a hand out, intending to smooth down Natasha's hair in what he hoped was a comforting manner, but he stopped himself. Maybe Nat wouldn't appreciate that much affection. He felt he was already pushing it with holding Nat's hand. He didn't want Nat to have an outburst right now, so he pulled his hand back and settled it down on his lap.

In truth, Steve was feeling conflicted. On one hand, he was glad that Natasha was accepting even the smallest forms of affection or care from him. But then again, he felt that was somehow telling to how terrible Nat must be feeling right now. He decided he didn't want to prolong any of this anymore, especially in case there was something really bad going on. So he had Bruce paged and soon, Banner rejoined them in Natasha's room.

Steve was quick to counter Bruce's offer to talk in his office because that'd be too far from Natasha. Nat absolutely hated the medbay, so Steve hated the thought of leaving her alone even just for a moment when she's in such a vulnerable state. Luckily, Bruce easily agreed and they'd decided to just talk outside Natasha's room.

Nat didn't look quite pleased by that idea, so thinking that she was afraid of being left alone, Steve gave her a reassuring smile. "We'll just be right outside your door, okay?" He said in a soothing voice. He was still holding onto Natasha's hand, so he gave it a gentle squeeze and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb on the back of her hand. This comforted Daisy whenever she was afraid, so Steve hoped it would do the same for Nat.

It seemed like it did, because Steve could see the tension leaving Natasha's shoulders. "If you need anything, just call out." He said gently.

"Okay." Natasha said softly. Steve wanted to stay with Nat, he really did. But he knew he had to tell Bruce what he learned already; and so he reluctantly stood up and left the room with Bruce. There were chairs by the door to Nat's room, so that was where he and Bruce settled down.

"I'm assuming she told you something, that's why you called me back." Bruce said, and Steve nodded in response.

"She told me she did take a pill this morning. I didn't get to ask though if it was the same pill in her jacket pocket, but based on everything else she said I'd presume that it was." Steve said with a frown.

Steve then proceeded to tell Bruce everything he knew: That the pills were supposed to stop Natasha from dropping, that this wasn't the first time she took the pills, but technically it also was because it was the first pill she took that she created too. Now when Natasha told him this, Steve was honestly surprised. He'd heard of Littles trying to suppress their Little sides, and he's heard news of unregistered companies trying to produce medication for that very purpose. Of course, all trial runs were failures with the Littles experiencing severe side effects-the worst of which being death.

That was why Steve wanted to talk to Bruce already. He wanted to make sure this was nothing like those trials they heard of in the news years back. If Natasha was telling them the truth though, she should've been experiencing negative side effects for a while now. Then again, what if that headache Natasha experienced was the start of it?

"It's for her drops, Bruce. She takes them so that she won't drop." Steve started to explain. "She says she's been taking them for a while now-the pills. But then she must have run out, so she tried to create her own batch. The pill she took this morning was of her own." When Steve said that, it suddenly occurred to him: Then why didn't Natasha just get another batch from her "supplier"?

Steve expected Bruce to be as surprised as he was, but Bruce just nodded his head almost solemnly: As if Steve just confirmed a particular hunch he already had.

"As I told you, I've had a hunch about Natasha for a while now." Bruce said. "I've never seen a Little successfully avoid dropping for as long of a time as Natasha has. Not to mention that Natasha's never even dropped in the first place. That alone was already a medical mystery." Bruce pointed out, and Steve frowned.

"So you've known for a while that she was probably taking something?"

"Known for sure? No I haven't. That she was taking something to stop her drops? Not that either. My initial thoughts were that she had something done to her... In the Red Room, maybe something irreversible." When Bruce said that, it was like everything clicked. That must have been where Natasha got her pills.  
"But agent May coming in with an unconscious Natasha changed that completely. Add to the fact that pill we found..."

"What did you find about the pill?" Steve asked.

"The most comfort I could provide is that I didn't find anything illegal on there." Bruce said as he tapped away on his tablet again. That did provide some relief, but the fact that that was the _most _relief that Bruce can provide? Before Steve could ask more, Bruce held up his tablet in a way so that Steve could see too. On the screen, there were two brain scans side by side. Steve couldn't really understand what he was seeing, but just the fact that Bruce was showing him brain scans to begin with didn't bode well.

"After I ran the tests on the pill and found out what I did, I decided to do a little more research." Bruce explained. "I found several studies that covered Littles who avoided their drops, and this is what I found." Steve waited for Bruce to continue, but then he realized Bruce probably assumed he understood what he was looking at.

"What does this all mean?" Steve asked, though he was afraid of what the answer may be.

"This one here on the right is a brain scan of a Little who regularly drops. The one on the left is Natasha's." Bruce began to explain.

"That much I can gather, Bruce." Steve said, feeling a little exasperated. That was the most he could gather because the scans were labeled "Natasha" and "2013 study". "But why are you showing me the scans?"

"Well you see, this part of the brain," Bruce tapped something on the tablet and suddenly, the same area on both brains were circled in red. "You see how one color, particularly red practically overpowers everything else with Natasha?" Steve nodded his head. "That's not how it's supposed to be. If you look at these scans," Bruce tapped the scan on the right and another scan from a study of a different year replaced the previous image.

"All the colors are balanced. There might be a slight difference, sometimes there can be a little more red, other times yellow, but generally the difference isn't as big with Natasha's." Bruce continued to tap and tap and tap, showing Steve more and more scans. True enough, Natasha's scan did look alarmingly different.

"These colors represent different chemicals and chemical activities in the brain. Generally, each color is supposed to be confined to its own location in the brain, as we saw in the other scans. Occasionally, chemicals could get through their barriers and er, invade other areas." Bruce pulled up another scan, this one where there was a little bit of blue seeping into the yellow section.

"Now this is a normal occurrence, it happens with all Littles and is unavoidable. It's not alarming because the chemicals or activities could basically be pushed back into their own areas. What does that though-"

"are drops." Steve finished for Bruce, not being able to stop himself.

"Yes." Bruce nodded in confirmation. "When Littles drop, their brain produces this new chemical that acts somewhat like a bouncer: You know, making sure everyone's in their respective sections, bringing those who went out back to where they should be. Since Natasha's never dropped, the chemical activity in her brain, well... Let's just say that I'm honestly surprised that she's made it this far."

"But she's been taking those pills." Steve frowned.

"Mhm, but they aren't replacements to that special chemical, Steve. That chemical in Littles' brains can't be replicated. The most that those pills have been doing are probably numbing the side effects of not dropping. They may have helped slow down the deterioration, but..."

"So you're saying..."

"That if Nat doesn't drop soon and regularly, we're facing irreversible brain damage? Yes." Bruce said solemnly. "Especially now without her pills slowing down the deterioration, she really needs to drop. The sooner the better."

"She's not going to like this." Steve said. He could already hear Natasha complaining, coming up with any argument she can.

"I know she isn't." Bruce sighed. "But we have to try to make her understand."

Steve nodded his head at that. The thought of Natasha dropping should excite him, really. But if anything, Steve just felt nervous. Just for the shortest while, he believed that him and Natasha being heartmates was possible. What if once Nat drops, that isn't the case? Steve's back to feeling alone, to feeling that regret that maybe he left his heartmate back in the past.  
Then he realized how selfish he was being. This was Natasha's well-being they were talking about. Forget about his regrets and loneliness.

"Can I be the one to talk to Nat?" Steve asked.

"I was hoping you'd ask that." Bruce admitted with a small smile. "I can stay inside too, in case she has any questions. If you'd like."

"Yes, I think that'd be a good idea." Steve said. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, and he appreciated that Bruce didn't rush him. But they did have to be quick, so Steve took a deep breath and got up so they could head back inside. Luckily, Natasha was still in bed, sitting propped up against her pillows.

"Hi honey," Steve said with a soft smile as he sat back down on the edge of Natasha's bed, "how are you feeling?"

"I don't know." Natasha frowned as she looked at Steve, then at Bruce, then back at Steve again. "Am I... Are you... Do I have to leave?" Natasha asked, and Steve could hear how nervous she was and it broke his heart.

"No, you're not going anywhere. I promised you that, right?" Steve said soothingly, and Natasha nodded her head. "But there is something we want to talk to you about. It's about the pill you told me about." At that, Natasha visibly tensed up.

"I... It's nothing bad." Natasha insisted.

"Nat I know you think that, but Bruce ran some tests and we don't think it's safe for you to take those. Even the original pills." Steve said.

"No, you're wrong. When I, when my head hurts, or when I feel nauseous from stopping...it, the pills help the pain." Natasha argued, her forehead already scrunched up.

"That's the point though. The pills do nothing more than numbing that pain you feel." Steve explained, and then he looked back at Bruce who nodded his head in understanding. The man approached them and stood by the foot of Natasha's bed. Just close enough so Nat would be able to see what he'll flash on his tablet.

Steve then began to tell Natasha everything he learned from Bruce. He tried to lay it out as gently as he could, but even then he could see Natasha getting visibly upset. The only comfort Steve had was that she seemed sad, not mad. That at least meant she may be opening her mind up to the thought that they were right, right?

Once Steve was done explaining, with Bruce stepping in every now and then, Steve looked at Natasha to get a read on what she could be thinking. Usually, Nat would be so difficult to read, but right now her face seemed like an open book. His teammate, his friend, looked visibly troubled. Nat may be stubborn, but when she's presented with facts by Bruce, even she knew it was time to let the stubbornness go.

"So... I can't take them anymore?" Natasha asked softly.

"No honey." Steve frowned and shook his head. "And I know you don't want to hear this, but this also means that you need to drop." Natasha's head snapped up so fast to look at Steve, Steve was afraid she'd break her neck.

"I'm not doing that." She said firmly.

"Nat, you saw the scans, and I'm sure you understood everything Bruce explained." Steve said, knowing that Nat was one of the smartest people he knew next to Tony and Bruce. "This isn't really something we can avoid anymore."

"Just let me keep taking my pills then." She said, and Steve could see her eyes glistening with tears.

"I'm afraid we can't do that, Nat." It was Bruce who spoke up this time. "There may be no illegal substances in your pills, but ethically speaking we can't let you continue with this... Treatment." Bruce was right. Ever since the failed attempts of several companies to create a similar drug, the board of ethics banned all parties-be it corporate, independent, or government-led, from pursuing anything similar. The risks simply outweighed the potential benefits.

"This really is the only way." Steve said apologetically, and he scooted just a little closer to Natasha. "Nat, I won't be insisting if I didn't think it was really necessary." It was true though. Steve was one of the most understanding when it came to Natasha and her (lack of) drops. When people first learn that Nat's never dropped, they always try to convince Natasha to do so. Not Steve though. He just asked why she doesn't drop, and when he felt like Natasha was becoming uncomfortable with the topic, he stopped pushing.

"I don't want to go to the daycare." Nat said in a small, sad voice, and Steve frowned at that. If agents without heartmates or assigned caregivers drop in SHIELD, they're usually taken to the day care center.

"Who said anything about going to the day care, hm?" Steve asked. "I told you I'm not going anywhere, right? I'll stay with you the whole time." He said soothingly. He wanted to say more, but he didn't want to spook Natasha. It seemed like Nat was already considering dropping, and Steve didn't want to say anything that'd make them backtrack even the slightest.

Nat didn't seem to argue anymore either, so Steve sat there with a reassuring smile on his face. It looked like Nat tried to smile back but it looked more like a grimace than anything else. Natasha took a deep breath and closed her eyes first, and both Bruce and Steve stayed quiet. They waited for quite a while, but it didn't take too long.

It didn't take too long until Steve felt warmth spread in his chest, the weight on his shoulders suddenly lifted, and it was as if his mind was producing an abundance of dopamine or oxytocin-or whatever chemicals were responsible for making him feel this sudden gush of happiness. Steve's never felt this elated before, but he was quite sure about what it meant.

Just as Steve was taking that in, Natasha opened her eyes and a big smile spread on her face when she saw Steve. "Daddy!"


	7. The First Time

"Daddy!" Steve could've sworn he felt his heart skip a beat when Natasha, _Little _Natasha spoke. Once Nat called her daddy, all his worries were thrown out of the window: Tony (well, and the others) was right all along.

It was definitely shocking to see Natasha dropped. Initially, people wouldn't think that Littles would look any different from their aged selves when dropped. Well, they're wrong. It wasn't a major change, it wasn't that their features would suddenly appear more child-like, or that they'd suddenly get their baby teeth back. No.

It was more that you can practically see the innocence seeping back into their expressions: All the stress that adult life brought washed away for the moment. Natasha had that look right now, that innocent, child-like wonder in her eyes and Steve could honestly melt.

"Hi sweetheart." Steve all but cooed, his face hurting a bit from how hard he was smiling.

"Daddyyy!" Natasha practically squealed as she made grabby hands for Steve. Steve was a bit unsure as to how he should approach this, so he looked to Bruce for help. His friend nodded encouragingly so he turned back to Natasha and smiled.

"Mhm, that's right. Daddy's here." Steve said in a soothing voice as he reached out and carefully lifted Natasha onto his lap. Natasha, for her part, curled up in Steve's arms, resting the side of her head on Steve's chest. She sighed softly in what Steve assumed was contentment, and Steve smiled as he wrapped his arms protectively around the Little, around _his _Little.

"She seems to be awfully young." Bruce commented softly, and he had a fond smile on his face too.

"You can say that again." Steve chuckled softly. He looked down at Natasha and smiled in amusement when he saw the girl put her fingers in her mouth to suck on.

"How do we determine her age?"

"Usually we just ask the Little." Bruce said. They've only had handful of agents who had their first drop while in SHIELD-well, technically they were in the academy still, but that was besides the point. And all those times, they simply just asked the Little because that was probably the most accurate they can get.

"I can run some tests, but that'd give us more of a range than an exact age, so I think it's best we just ask her."

Steve nodded his head and looked down at the Little in his arms. "Nat? Can you look at daddy for a moment, hm?" Steve asked, but Natasha didn't budge. She didn't even show any signs of hearing Steve.

"Nat?" Steve frowned.

Bruce tilted his head curiously, and then he looked like he had an epiphany. "Maybe she goes by a different name when dropped." Bruce suggested.  
"Skye likes to go by Daisy when she is." That wasn't a bad idea, so Steve proceeded to try and figure out what Nat liked to be called when dropped.

"Natasha?" No response. "Natalia?" Steve tried again, and still nothing. "Tasha?" That got the Little's attention. Nat-or rather Tasha, tilted her head up and smiled at Steve, her fingers still in her mouth.

"You like to be called Tasha, huh?" Steve smiled and tickled Tasha under her chin, causing the Little to erupt in a fit of giggles. It was the most adorable giggle Steve's ever heard.

"Tasha." Tasha confirmed, nodding her head once and smiling up at Steve.

"Tasha is a lovely name." Steve smiled and kissed Tasha on her forehead. "Can Tasha tell daddy how old she is?"

Tasha tilted her head slightly to the right, as if trying to comprehend what Steve was asking of her. "How old is Tasha?" Steve asked again, and the Little seemed to understand now.

"Dis many!" Tasha said proudly as she held up two fingers, and Steve was a little shocked. He already sensed that Natasha was on the younger side of the spectrum, but he's never encountered a toddler Little before.

"Wow! Two?! You're such a big girl, aren't you?" Steve exclaimed, and Tasha giggled and clapped her hands together in delight. Yup, definitely the most adorable giggle-no, the most adorable Little, Steve has ever encountered.

"Steve," Bruce snapped Steve out from his little trance of adoring Tasha and Steve hummed in response as he turned his head to look at Bruce. "I know you must want to take her back home now, but I think I want to keep her just for a little while longer."

"How come?" Steve frowned.

"I just want to make sure the drop's actually doing something for her brain." Bruce explained calmly. "We still also have to call agent Coulson to get Natasha's records updated."

"Yeah, okay then." Steve said softly before turning his attention back to Tasha, who was currently reaching up and trying to grab Steve's nose.

"I'll let you two get more acquainted for now. I should probably give it an hour or so before I do a scan." Bruce said. "I can have someone bring in some food for the two of you in a bit, it's almost lunch."

"Thank you Bruce, I appreciate it." Steve said gratefully with a smile, which Bruce returned with a nod before he left the two to give them some privacy while they bond.

"Why do you want daddy's nose, hm?" Steve chuckled as he tried to move his face away from Tasha's hands.

"Nose!" Tasha said as she put a hand over her own nose, and Steve smiled.

"That's right baby, that's your nose. Aren't you a smart one?" Steve practically cooed. "Where are Tasha's eyes?"

"Hewe!" Tasha said as she covered both her eyes with her hands, her r's evidently nonexistent.

"Oh no! Where's my baby Tasha?!" Steve gasped, and Tasha giggled, keeping her hands over her eyes. "Is sheeee... Here?" Steve said, tickling Tasha's side and effectively making her erupt in a fit of giggles.  
"Or is she here?" He asked as he tickled Tasha's tummy. Tasha lasted for a few more seconds before she most likely couldn't take it.

"Boo!" Tasha exclaimed as she uncovered her eyes, and Steve pretended to be surprised by Tasha's "appearance"

"Oh there you are! I thought daddy lost you!" Steve exclaimed as he pulled Tasha closer and held her comfortably tight.

"Tasha no go." Tasha smiled and shook her head. "Tasha stay wif daddy."

"Mhm, daddy would really love that." Steve said softly and she leaned down to kiss the top of Tasha's head. Steve was about to say something else, but then he felt Tasha nuzzling her face into his chest right where-oh, _oh. _

"Oh Tasha, baby." Steve said with a slight frown as he tried to gently pull Tasha's face away from his chest. "Daddies can't really do that, baby. I'm sorry." Well this was a problem, or Steve hoped it won't be. Maybe once Tasha understands that he can't really breastfeed her, she'll forget about it?

Steve could almost feel his heart shattering into a million pieces when Tasha whimpered. "Are you hungry? Does Tasha want some milk or some yummies?" He asked as he gently brushed some hair away from Tasha's face.

"Nummies." Tasha whimpered before sticking her fingers in her mouth yet again.

"Uncle Bruce went away to get us nummies. Nummies will be here soon, baby." Steve said soothingly, but that didn't satisfy the toddler. Tasha whimpered and patted Steve's chest with her free hand.

"I'm sorry baby, but daddy doesn't have milk." Steve said apologetically, and his frown deepened. Was this the beginning of his being an inadequate heartmate for Tasha? He can't provide this one little thing, who knows what else he'll be lacking? The fact that Natasha didn't seem to understand him just troubled Steve even more. Natasha's lips were trembling and tears were pooling in the toddler's eyes.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." Steve cooed to his Little. "Daddy knows you're hungry, we'll be getting our nummies soon, I promise." Steve said, and Natasha just sniffled. Steve couldn't stand seeing his Little upset, so he carefully stood up with Tasha in his arms and started to gently sway.

Natasha held onto him tightly and hid her face in his neck. If this was any other situation, Steve would've found it adorable-ah, who was he kidding? It was still adorable, but he was more focused on soothing his Little right now.

He was still in the middle of feeling guilty about not being able to breastfeed Tasha when there was a knock on the door. He looked that direction and told whoever to come in: It was one of the nurses who had a tray of food in hand, and a bag slung over one shoulder. She greeted Steve and let him know that Bruce sent her with these items and then she was off once Steve thanked her.

"Look baby, your nummies are here." Steve gently patted Tasha's back to get her attention, and the toddler sat up in Steve's arms. She sniffled softly before turning her head to look at the bed.

"Baba." Tasha said in a soft voice as she leaned down towards the bed and made grabby hands for her bag. Steve had to hold on tight to make sure she didn't fall. He was confused at first, but then he saw the baby bottle in one of the side pockets.

"Does Tasha want her baba?" Steve asked as he reached out and took the bottle, but finding it empty. He sighed softly when Tasha whined and tried to grab the bottle. "Daddy will make your baba, but daddy has to put you down first, okay?"

"Otay." Tasha said sadly before sticking her fingers back into her mouth. Steve smiled sympathetically and kissed Tasha's forehead before gently setting her down in the middle of the bed. He then sat down as well and opened the bag to look for the milk: He found a water bottle, a container with baby formula, and _oh... _Right, Tasha might actually need a diaper for all he knew. One thing at a time, Steve.

He took care of the bottle first, and he silently thanked Bruce for measuring out the formula already. All he had to do was fill the bottle with water and pour the formula in. He made sure the bottle was screwed shut before shaking it.

"Okay baby, lie down so you can have your baba." Steve said as he uncapped the bottle before helping Tasha lie down. He figured he can just change Tasha while she had her bottle.

Luckily enough, Tasha seemed to be eager to have her bottle so she lied down without a fuss. She whined slightly and pouted when Steve was taking too long, and he chuckled as he handed the Little her bottle. Tasha reached both hands up to hold it, but Steve held it for her for a little while at first too. Once he was sure Tasha would be okay, he let go and got everything else he'd need.

Steve realized he and Nat haven't really talked about this, if Nat would be comfortable with Steve changing her, or giving her baths, or all those other intimate tasks. Then again, they hadn't anticipated her to be a toddler. Steve kind of _needed _to help her.

After convincing himself this was the right thing to do, Steve pulled down Tasha's pants and underwear. He folded them up and set them aside before grabbing the Sesame Street diaper and opening it up. Tasha seemed to be a little preoccupied with her bottle, so Steve just lifted Tasha's bum and legs by her ankles and slid the diaper underneath her. She didn't seem to mind, so Steve took that as a good sign and finished taping the diaper onto Tasha. If Steve initially thought Tasha couldn't get any cuter, well, he was wrong.

Tasha in just a shirt and diaper as she had her bottle? Probably even the most cold-hearted of people would coo at the sight. Also, now with her pants off and a diaper on, Steve could've sworn Tasha looked a little more relaxed. He wasn't going to bother with her pants anymore because he was sure they wouldn't fit over that diapered bum. Tasha seemed content like this anyway. He just fixed Tasha's shirt so the hem of it wouldn't be tucked into her diaper, before turning to fix his and Tasha's lunch.

In hindsight, maybe Steve should have started with lunch before giving Tasha her bottle, but it was too late for that now. He told himself he'll just keep it in mind for next time. Natasha meanwhile looked pretty content as she held her bottle with one hand, and one of her feet with the other.

Steve shook his head in amusement as he poured in some apple juice into the sippy cup that he found in the bag. Bruce had definitely thought of everything. He hoped he'd be this put together-or more, for Natasha too. His lunch was a burger just how he liked it, while Tasha's was a bowl of mac and cheese with some bacon bits. That seemed simple enough. He was in the middle of cooling Tasha's food when he heard the toddler whimper again.

When Steve looked over, he noticed that Tasha's bottle was empty but the toddler was still trying to get some nonexistent milk out of it. Steve smiled sympathetically and he reached over to help Tasha sit up.

"Daddy's got your lunch, baby. Do you want some yummy mac and cheese?"

Tasha sniffled and almost pitifully nodded her head in response. Nat hadn't eaten a proper breakfast so her hunger was catching up by now. She still had the bottle in her mouth, so Steve gently took it away, earning a little whimper from her but Steve quickly apologized. He made sure Tasha was settled properly against the pillows before he grabbed the bowl of mac and cheese and the spoon.

He thought of letting Tasha feed herself, he really did. But then he couldn't resist it and Steve ended up feeding the Little girl himself. He'd alternate between feeding Tasha and taking a bite of his own food, and he realized that was probably why Bruce gave him a burger; much easier to eat one-handed.

"Nummies!" Tasha said happily as she patted her tummy with her hands.

"Is Tasha's tummy happy?" Steve asked with a smile as he scooped up some more mac and cheese.

"Tummy happy!" Tasha confirmed. "Cheese s'petti yummy."

Steve chuckled at that and leaned down to kiss Tasha's little nose: He couldn't help it. His Little was just absolutely adorable. He smiled even wider when Tasha tilted her head up to kiss his nose too. Sure, that got some cheese on Steve's nose, but he loved it anyway.

When Tasha refused to take another bite, even after Steve pretended it was a train or airplane, he figured the toddler was finally full. He set down the bowl back onto the tray and grabbed the sippy cup.

"Juice p'eaaaase." Tasha asked sweetly as she made grabby hands for the cup.

"Well don't I have such a polite baby girl?" Steve smiled and gave Tasha the sippy cup of apple juice. Tasha smiled widely at the praise and held her cup with both hands.

"T'anchu!" Tasha said before taking a big sip.

Once Tasha was satisfied, Steve took a napkin and tried to gently clean Tasha's face. He half-expected the toddler to argue, but Tasha just smiled at him before letting out an adorable little yawn. Yeah, Steve should have saved the bottle for last.

"It looks like a certain baby girl is tired." Steve commented softly before throwing the used napkin into the bin.

"S'eepy baby." Tasha confirmed as she reached a hand up and tiredly rubbed her eye. Well, it seemed like naptime falls after lunch, then.  
"Daddy hugs?" Tasha asked in her small, hopeful voice as she looked up at Steve. And really, how could Steve say no to that?

"Mhm, lots of hugs." Steve smiled as he reached for his Little.

He scooped Tasha into his arms before carefully standing up and adjusting his hold on her. Steve silently thanked the gods that Natasha was quite small because she fit perfectly in his arms. Tasha seemed to think that too, because the toddler basically melted and wrapped her arms around Steve before sighing softly in contentment.

Since it seemed to help soothe Tasha earlier, Steve tried swaying with his Little again as he rhythmically patted her padded bum. It didn't take long for the toddler to fall asleep and soon, Steve was tucking her back into the middle of the bed.

He didn't want Tasha falling off in her sleep, so he got the extra pillows and placed them on either side of her. He should probably get a crib for his floor-and a whole lot of other baby furniture.

Ah crap, he was unprepared for having a toddler Little. Sam introduced him to the "world of online shopping" a couple of months back, but he wasn't really comfortable with the thought of buying Nat's things online. He wanted to be sure that he'll be getting the best for his Little. That, and Steve kind of liked the thought of going shopping with Nat, regardless if she was dropped or not.

Steve's thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on the door, and Steve called for whoever to come in. It was Bruce and trailing behind him was agent Coulson.

"Captain." Phil nodded in greeting.

"Phil." Steve walked over to shake Phil's hand. "You know you can always call me Steve." He said with an amused shake of his head.

"I know, it just feels so cool to call you captain." Phil said, looking quite pleased as usual and Steve had to chuckle.

"Has she been asleep long?" Bruce asked, and Steve turned his attention to Bruce.

"I've just put her down about five or so minutes ago." Steve said with a shake of his head. "Did you need her awake for this?" He asked, knowing Bruce was probably going to do the scans now, and that Phil was here to make the other steps to make necessary arrangements quicker.

"No, this should be fine." Bruce said as he got his equipment ready.  
"Was just looking forward to giving her a lollipop for being well-behaved, that's all." He said with a soft chuckle.

"While Dr. Banner is doing the scans, perhaps you and I can have a quick chat?" Phil suggested, and Steve turned his attention back to him.

"Yeah, of course." Steve nodded his head. "We can just sit at the table." He said, nodding to the little table on the other side of the room.

He didn't really want to leave in case Natasha woke up, and it wasn't like they were going to talk about anything that Bruce shouldn't know about. Phil readily agreed, so Steve walked over and took a seat at the table, with Phil sitting across from him.

"So, I hear Natasha's a two year-old." Phil said as he unlocked his tablet, and Steve nodded in response. "I've done a quick scan of our database, she's our first toddler Little in SHIELD_ and_ the academy."

"Is that a bad thing?" Steve asked, his eyebrows furrowing together in concern.

"No I'm simply pointing out the facts, captain." Phil said with a reassuring smile. Steve saw Phil pull up Natasha's file before he continued.  
"You know SHIELD doesn't discriminate when it comes to Little ages. If anything, this is going to make Nat a star." When Steve didn't respond, Phil looked up and saw the confused expression on the captain's face.

"Like I said, first toddler. Bigs left and right are definitely going to trip over themselves to take care of her." Phil pointed out, and after giving it a little thought, Steve figured that much was true. Nat's toddler status at least explained why Bigs were so protective and gentler with her even when aged. What more when she's dropped?

"She might get overwhelmed though." Steve pointed out with a frown. He wasn't sure if Tasha was the shy type, but he had a feeling that once she ages and realizes what's up, Nat wouldn't appreciate that much attention on her.

"I know." Phil said with a sympathetic smile. "Which is why dr. Banner and I discussed giving you two some time off as soon as possible. Time for the both of you to adjust to your new lifestyles and relationship."

"Time off?" Steve asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Don't act so surprised now. You know very well SHIELD gives new heartmates time off to become better acquainted." Phil said. He did recall the rest of his teammates getting 2 or 3 days off after they bonded with their respective heartmates. "We managed to get you and Natasha ten days off starting tomorrow."

"That's a lot of days." Steve said, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

"Well, the length of the break depends on the age of the Little. You've probably just never heard of a break this long because, as I mentioned, first toddler Little napping right there on that bed." Phil said, and Steve looked over at Natasha. He did have one special Little. They haven't been together as heartmates for long-heck, it's only been an hour at most, but Steve knew he'd gotten incredibly lucky here.

"I'm sure you'd like to talk with Natasha first about how you'd want to spend your break." Phil broke Steve out of his thoughts.  
"But once you've decided, let me know. If we have any safe houses where you two want to go, we can easily arrange for you two to stay there if you'd like."

"That's great, I'll make sure to keep that in mind." Steve said gratefully.

"Now," Phil said as he pulled up another file next to Natasha's, "I'm sure you're well-aware that infant and toddler Littles are quite special cases. A lot of different government protocols are in place to keep them safe." Right, Steve needed to keep those in mind too.

"It's quite an extensive list." Phil said, and Steve saw him scrolling through the new document, presumably the list of protocols. Saying "quite an extensive list" was an understatement, in Steve's opinion.

"I know this looks overwhelming." Phil said with a sympathetic smile. "But I've read through this in the past as well. Majority really are just common sense, but I'll send this file to your email regardless." At that, Phil tapped on send and Steve felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Yup, Steve definitely had a lot of reading to do tonight.

"Protocols of immediate concern are on the first page, biggest one being she has to move in with you." Yeah, Steve's heard of that protocol before. It was a precaution because infant and toddler Littles were more prone to panic or accidental drops. The other Littles like Clint and Wanda, they still had their own apartments. But Natasha won't, not anymore. That's going to be a pleasant conversation.

"We also have standard-issued car seats and high chairs you can use, but I highly recommend you get her ones more fit for her." Phil said.  
"We also have other supplies you might need-diapers, bottles, milk. We can send a batch over to your apartment once we're done here."

"Yeah, I intend to go shopping for her." He was hoping he'd go shopping _with _Natasha if she'd be open to it. If not, maybe he can ask Tony or Sam to keep an eye on her while he's away. "But again, thank you Phil."

"You're welcome." Phil smiled. "We want you two to be able to adjust to your new lives with ease."

"Is there any other urgent matter I need to take care of?" Steve asked. He was new to this whole heartmate thing so of course he was nervous about screwing up.

"Well, there is a matter of her Little ID. It needs to be updated as well and I'm not really authorized to do that. I can update all her other documents, but not that." Phil said.  
"We have an office for that on the third floor of building theta. It should be quick, but she needs to be present and dropped."

"Do I need to do that today?" Steve asked. He was hoping he could get Natasha settled first this afternoon, especially after the long day she had.

"Just make sure to have it done before the end of your break, or before you leave town if you intend on doing so." Phil said. He printed up a slip using his tablet and handed it to Steve.  
"Just present this at the front desk. It should fast track the process."

Steve felt like he was thanking Phil quite a lot, but the man was doing a lot for him so he figured it was warranted. As Steve kept the slip in his wallet, Bruce walked over to them and took a seat at the table. Bruce was smiling, so Steve took that as a good sign: an incredibly good sign.

"Her brain is on the mend. The drop's definitely helping." Bruce said with a reassuring smile. He pulled up his tablet and showed Steve Nat's brain scan. Sure enough, the colors looked more balanced than they had earlier.

"That's good then." Steve said, the relief evident in his voice. He even managed to sit back in his chair and relax just a little.

"Mhm, but Steve, we're still in the danger zone here." Bruce said gently, and in Steve's honest opinion, Bruce should have started with that.  
"She's on the mend, but to keep this up she also needs to drop regularly. She can't stay aged for more than 24 hours straight for now. And no resisting drops as that could cause even more damage. When she feels the urge to, she needs to drop."

"You're telling me that as if Natasha would readily accept it." Steve pointed out.

"She would if she cares about her own life." Bruce said gently, and Steve sighed. "And this 24-hour thing won't be forever. It's just until we're sure she's out of harm's way."

"Is there anything else I need to know?"

"You've seen Clint and the others control their drops easily, yeah? Dropping and then aging up on their own will." Steve nodded his head.  
"That doesn't come naturally. She'll have to learn that, but I wouldn't rush it, especially with her case. It might frustrate her, which is why I feel the need to bring it up."

"She may also feel a little more sensitive or emotional for a while." Bruce continued. Yeah, Bruce really should have started off with these parts.  
"It's normal for toddler and baby Littles after their first drop, so it's nothing we should worry about. She'll be back to her normal self after a few days." He said reassuringly.

"The more you talk, the more ill-equipped I feel about this." Steve said with a frown.

"Steve," Steve was so surprised that Phil called him by his first name, that he actually stopped panicking for a bit, "we've all felt inadequate or unprepared when we first bonded with our heartmates. I know this is a different case because, well, she's a toddler. But you and Nat aren't alone in this. You were there for us when we were struggling, so you bet we're going to have your back too."

"Yeah, c'mon Steve. You really think we're going to let you hog a toddler Little all to yourself?" Bruce teased, and Steve actually smiled.

"Clint was already begging to see Nat-and I'm sorry I told him." Bruce quickly added. "It's just, you know how Clint is with Nat. The moment he learned that you went here to see her, well... Tony had to physically restrain him. I had to explain what was going on so he'd understand that maybe now wasn't the best time for him to see Nat."

"It's fine, Bruce. Don't worry about it." Steve said with a small smile. Their words at least provided him some comfort. He knew he could count on his team, on his family, to help him and Natasha transition into their new lives.

"I'm sure Tasha will be excited to meet all her big brothers and sisters. And uncles and aunties." Steve added with a chuckle when Phil and Bruce glared at him playfully.

From there, the three of them had light conversation about their team's Littles. Mainly, Steve listened intently especially to Phil's stories. If he was going to be a good dad, he needed to learn all that he can. Phil and Bruce kept on assuring him though that he'll be fine. He was already slipping into the role nicely.

When Natasha started to stir about an hour later though, Bruce and Phil excused themselves to give Steve and Nat some privacy. Steve thanked them again profusely, and Phil updated Steve that the packages were already in his apartment, before the two left and Steve approached Nat's bed. By the time Steve got there, Nat was tiredly rubbing her eyes.

"Steve?" Nat asked tiredly as she pulled one hand away from her face.

"I'm right here." Steve said soothingly as he stood by Nat's bed and reached out to smooth back her hair.  
"How are you feeling?" As if on cue, a bright red blush made its way to her cheeks.

"I'm sorry." She said softly, avoiding any eye contact with him.

"What are you saying sorry for?" Steve asked as he carefully sat down on the edge of her bed.

"I don't know." Natasha admitted softly, and she still wouldn't look at him.

"Nat, listen to me." Steve spoke in a gentle voice.  
"You don't have to apologize for being Little. I know you think it's hard to believe now, but there's nothing wrong with it, okay? It's a normal part of you, and you need your drops. No one's holding it against you."

Nat frowned and bit down on her lower lip. She shifted slightly and blushed brighter as she pulled the blanket up a little higher. Steve was then reminded that Nat was still in just a diaper and shirt, probably needing a change, but now probably wasn't the right time to bring attention to that.

"So you really don't mind being my heartmate?" Natasha asked, sounding timid more than anything.

"You don't know how happy I was when I realized that we are." Steve smiled.  
"That was probably the happiest I felt in a long while." He said softly, and Natasha nodded her head. He barely heard it, but he heard the soft "me too" that came from Natasha.

"Bruce did a scan on your brain already." Steve said after a while. He figured he needed to let Natasha know already, and so he did. He told Natasha about the scan, how the drop improved the chemical balance and activities in her brain. He told her everything Bruce told him: How she needed to drop more regularly, how she could be a little sensitive over the next few days, all of it including some of the toddler protocols.

At some point, it occurred to Steve that maybe this was a lot to dump on Natasha all at once. But then again, he didn't want to hold anything back. Once he was done, he let Natasha mull over everything. It was quite a lot to take in.

"I feel so stupid" were the first few words Natasha muttered, and Steve frowned deeply.  
"How could I have trusted them? They took me from my parents and I just readily accepted every idea they planted in my mind." Steve knew by then Natasha was talking about the Red Room.

"You were just a little girl, Nat. An actual little girl." Steve said. "You were doing it to protect yourself. It's not your fault."  
The small comfort Steve got from this was that, well, at least Natasha seemed to be starting to resent the pill.

"Yeah, and look where that got me." She said tearfully, and Steve could see the tears building up in her eyes. Bruce was right with the heightened emotionality and sensitivity, that's for sure.

"Fuck, I'm so _stupid_." Nat muttered as she started to hit the side of her head with the heel of her hand out of frustration.

"Hey, hey none of that." Steve said in a gently firm voice as he reached out and held both of Nat's hands to stop her.  
"Honey I'm glad you're coming to realize how wrong that all was, but you need to understand that's not your fault, okay?" He said in a gentle voice. "You're not stupid. You're one of the smartest people I know."

"You're probably forgetting Bruce and Tony." Nat sniffled, and Steve chuckled softly.

"I did say _one _of the smartest." Steve smiled.  
"I know this may all seem scary and new, but we'll figure everything out together, yeah?." He said softly. He let go of one of Nat's hands so he can reach out and wipe away the tear that went down her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"Can I give you a hug?" Steve asked in a gentle voice after a while.

Natasha seemed to hesitate for a moment, but she eventually nodded her head and began to sit up. Steve helped her and proceeded to gently tug the Little into his arms, enveloping her in a tight, comfortable hug. He could feel the tension leave Natasha as she relaxed in his arms, and he kissed the top of her head before soothingly rubbing her back.

Nat had her face hidden in Steve's chest at first, but she eventually turned her head so she'd be facing the side. She didn't pull away yet though, so Steve didn't let go of her. He'd let her decide when she's had enough comfort.

"Are we allowed to leave now?" Nat asked softly, and Steve noted she asked about both of them, and not just herself. Maybe Nat was slowly coming to accept all the change after all.

"Mhm, I'll call Bruce so we can get you discharged." Steve said before kissing the top of Nat's head one more time.


End file.
